IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In maby countries, governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

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In
this
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 digital age, an increasing amount of money is poured into modern
technology
Use synonyms
 by governments to cope with the general public
due to
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 the fact that crime rates are soaring. It is the writer's conviction that
such
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 an approach is satisfactory as it enhances both security and living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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. It must be acknowledged that social evils are one of the most burning issues in metropolises.
That is
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 the reason why many local authorities have already installed hundreds of street cameras to alleviate the problem. With these smart devices, those who commit a crime can be tracked down from
long
Add an article
a long
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 distance and arrested by the police more easily.
Additionally
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, the systems may be connected internationally, as can be seen in the case of an international kidnapper from Japan, who was followed by video
footages
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footage
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 and caught soon after his criminal commitment in 2014. The use of national expenditures for
technology
Use synonyms
 application is reasonable.
Firstly
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,
technology
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 makes human life safer. Thanks to weather forecasts, people can organize work efficiently and reduce the risk of,
for example
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, accidents on
rod
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the rod
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while
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 travelling in
rain
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the rain
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.
Secondly
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, the arrival of payphones enables citizens to make phone calls in case their mobile phones are out of batteries.
Moreover
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, free hot spots are constructed to cater for the demand
of
Change preposition
for
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 internet connection of people
especially
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, especially
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 teenagers.
Therefore
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, investment in
technology
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 benefits human life a lot. In conclusion, the rise in hi-tech devices on streets helps to reduce crime.
Furthermore
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,
technology
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 installation in public not only guarantees residents' safety but
also
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 improves their lives.

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coherence cohesion
Aim to vary sentence structures and transition words to add clarity and richness to your essay.
task achievement
Consider balancing the discussion more by exploring potential drawbacks or considerations of investing in new technology, if any, to provide a more nuanced view.
task achievement
The essay starts with a clear thesis statement, outlining the reasons for investment in technology and the writer's stance on its appropriateness, which is crucial for task response.
task achievement
You've effectively used examples, like the international kidnapper case, to support your points, which enhances the essay's persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the arguments made, reiterating the essay's stance, which is a strong aspect of coherence and cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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