In many countries goverments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?
Plenty of well-developed
countries
are paying more on
high-tech devices to face the public. Change preposition
for
This
writer agrees that money should be spent more on technology to raise the countries
' economy instead
of boosting the unemployment rates.
The first sense of advantage of using money to buy new technologies is that it can help improve countries
' economies. It can be seen that technology such
as artificial intelligence or robots can reduce the
production time so many companies can have more time to come up with new ideas to generate Correct article usage
apply
another professional
Replace the adjective
another professional product
other professional products
products
. Moreover
, high-tech devices can also
improve the quality of products
such
as smartphones, and remotes. For example
, entrepreneurs can put AI on products
and make them become smarter so the price of those products
can increase more if it does not have AI. This
can make the economy of the countries
developed
and boost the development of these Wrong verb form
develop
countries
.
Another point can be considered that
the more technologies we get, the higher unemployment rates we get. Basically, AI and robots can replace humans in some work fields Correct word choice
apply
such
as offices, housework and the
production processes. Recently, many processes of product generation Correct article usage
apply
are
more likely to use robots Wrong verb form
have become
instead
of humans'
energy because of the lower costs and high correction Fix the agreement mistake
human'
on
every stage. In consequence, unemployees can appear more in modern Change preposition
at
countries
which have a high level of technology development.
In conclusion, the government should spend more money on new technologies to boost the economic systems. Although
high-tech devices can replace humans in many fields and cause the
increasing rates of unemployment, they still help governments to develop their Correct article usage
apply
countries
and living standards.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
Try to establish a clearer stance in your introduction. Providing a more defined argument from the start helps guide the reader through your discussion.
task achievement
Work on developing more detailed and specific examples to support your claims. This adds credibility and depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Focus on varying your sentence structures and using cohesive devices more effectively to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the prompt fully. While you've discussed the economic benefits and unemployment concerns, incorporating a more direct discussion about the appropriateness of government spending could strengthen your response.
task achievement
You've made a compelling argument about the benefits and drawbacks of governments investing in technology, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points, effectively bringing closure to your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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