IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries goverments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

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Plenty of well-developed
countries
Use synonyms
 are paying more
on
Change preposition
for
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 high-tech devices to face the public.
This
Linking Words
 writer agrees that money should be spent more on technology to raise the
countries
Use synonyms
' economy
instead
Linking Words
 of boosting the unemployment rates. The first sense of advantage of using money to buy new technologies is that it can help improve
countries
Use synonyms
' economies. It can be seen that technology
such
Linking Words
 as artificial intelligence or robots can reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
production time so many companies can have more time to come up with new ideas to generate
another professional
Replace the adjective
another professional product
other professional products
show examples
products
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, high-tech devices can
also
Linking Words
 improve the quality of
products
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as smartphones, and remotes.
For example
Linking Words
, entrepreneurs can put AI on
products
Use synonyms
 and make them become smarter so the price of those
products
Use synonyms
 can increase more if it does not have AI.
This
Linking Words
 can make the economy of the
countries
Use synonyms
developed
Wrong verb form
develop
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 and boost the development of these
countries
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. Another point can be considered
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the more technologies we get, the higher unemployment rates we get. Basically, AI and robots can replace humans in some work fields
such
Linking Words
 as offices, housework and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
production processes. Recently, many processes of product generation
are
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 more likely to use robots
instead
Linking Words
 of
humans'
Fix the agreement mistake
human'
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 energy because of the lower costs and high correction
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 every stage. In consequence, unemployees can appear more in modern
countries
Use synonyms
 which have a high level of technology development. In conclusion, the government should spend more money on new technologies to boost the economic systems.
Although
Linking Words
 high-tech devices can replace humans in many fields and cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increasing rates of unemployment, they still help governments to develop their
countries
Use synonyms
 and living standards.

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task achievement
Try to establish a clearer stance in your introduction. Providing a more defined argument from the start helps guide the reader through your discussion.
task achievement
Work on developing more detailed and specific examples to support your claims. This adds credibility and depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Focus on varying your sentence structures and using cohesive devices more effectively to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the prompt fully. While you've discussed the economic benefits and unemployment concerns, incorporating a more direct discussion about the appropriateness of government spending could strengthen your response.
task achievement
You've made a compelling argument about the benefits and drawbacks of governments investing in technology, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points, effectively bringing closure to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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