In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?
New
technologies
to cope with the public are being spent on by many governments
around the world. This
essay aims to demonstrate reasons
causing Correct article usage
the reasons
this
trend and the writer’s belief that it is a precise budget of national money.
A major factor contributes
to Wrong verb form
contributing
Correct article usage
the developements
developements
of new Correct your spelling
development
developments
technologies
for dealing with citizens is that there is a
rising pressure Remove the article
apply
on addressing
demands on facilities and service industries. As the population on the Earth has grown significantly in recent years, basic living standards Change preposition
to address
such
as refreshments, education or accessing
to the Internet might face Change the form of the verb
access
with
Change preposition
apply
the
scarcity Correct article usage
apply
as a result
. Moreover
, serious problems such
as international criminals and environmental pollution require better collaboration and huge databases for dedicating to scientific researches
. Fix the agreement mistake
research
Therefore
, the IoT, online conferrences
and other Correct your spelling
conferences
technologies
become crucial to exchange to exchange results between governments
and scientists from different regions.
It is evident that technological improvements are worth investing national budgets in. A crucial benefit is that
enhancing living conditions for citizens because of better protection from dangerous issues, resulting in a peaceful society. Correct word choice
apply
For instance
, many countries now possessed
digital identities of their citizens, which might help investigating crimes or checking in airports Wrong verb form
possess
get
more convenient. Verb problem
apply
On the other hand
, these technologies
bring many long-term advantages since fees can be cut down. People no longer have to manage conventional paper of
properties or rely on outdated Change preposition
apply
technologies
, leading to a
better productivity.
In conclusion, Remove the article
apply
technologies
invested
by Add a missing verb
are invested
governments
in order to cope with the public because of rising basic living demands and the existence of serious global problems. These investments are valueless due to
a better society and long-term benefits for governments
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task achievement
Ensure a more direct and consistent focus on the essay question throughout your response. Although your essay outlines relevant arguments and perspectives, refining and directly linking each paragraph's main idea to the question can enhance clarity and effectiveness.
coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence, consider more varied and precise linking phrases between sentences and paragraphs. This will help your essay flow more naturally and strengthen the connections between your ideas.
task achievement
Incorporate specific examples where possible to support your arguments. While you mentioned relevant scenarios, providing more detailed and explicit examples can greatly reinforce your points and make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, clearly presenting the topic and summarizing the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have developed a logical structure that follows a clear progression from one argument to the next, which helps in maintaining the reader's engagement.
task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the prompt, providing a reasoned argument in favour of government investment in technology for public services.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?