In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

New
technologies
to cope with the public are being spent on by many
governments
around the world.
This
essay aims to demonstrate
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
causing
this
trend and the writer’s belief that it is a precise budget of national money. A major factor
contributes
Wrong verb form
contributing
show examples
to
Correct article usage
the developements
show examples
developements
Correct your spelling
development
developments
of new
technologies
for dealing with citizens is that there is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
rising pressure
on addressing
Change preposition
to address
show examples
demands on facilities and service industries. As the population on the Earth has grown significantly in recent years, basic living standards
such
as refreshments, education or
accessing
Change the form of the verb
access
show examples
to the Internet might face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scarcity
as a result
.
Moreover
, serious problems
such
as international criminals and environmental pollution require better collaboration and huge databases for dedicating to scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
.
Therefore
, the IoT, online
conferrences
Correct your spelling
conferences
and other
technologies
become crucial to exchange to exchange results between
governments
and scientists from different regions. It is evident that technological improvements are worth investing national budgets in. A crucial benefit is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
enhancing living conditions for citizens because of better protection from dangerous issues, resulting in a peaceful society.
For instance
, many countries now
possessed
Wrong verb form
possess
show examples
digital identities of their citizens, which might help investigating crimes or checking in airports
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more convenient.
On the other hand
, these
technologies
bring many long-term advantages since fees can be cut down. People no longer have to manage conventional paper
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
properties or rely on outdated
technologies
, leading to
a
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apply
show examples
better productivity. In conclusion,
technologies
invested
Add a missing verb
are invested
show examples
by
governments
in order to cope with the public because of rising basic living demands and the existence of serious global problems. These investments are valueless
due to
a better society and long-term benefits for
governments
.

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task achievement
Ensure a more direct and consistent focus on the essay question throughout your response. Although your essay outlines relevant arguments and perspectives, refining and directly linking each paragraph's main idea to the question can enhance clarity and effectiveness.
coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence, consider more varied and precise linking phrases between sentences and paragraphs. This will help your essay flow more naturally and strengthen the connections between your ideas.
task achievement
Incorporate specific examples where possible to support your arguments. While you mentioned relevant scenarios, providing more detailed and explicit examples can greatly reinforce your points and make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, clearly presenting the topic and summarizing the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have developed a logical structure that follows a clear progression from one argument to the next, which helps in maintaining the reader's engagement.
task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the prompt, providing a reasoned argument in favour of government investment in technology for public services.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital transformation
  • service delivery
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • tech-savvy
  • contemporary lifestyle
  • public satisfaction
  • data management
  • smart city technologies
  • predictive policing
  • data privacy
  • digital divide
  • inclusivity
  • governance
  • infrastructure
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