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Band 7.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
Taking risks has become necessary in
people
's lives, not only for their professional but
also
 for personal.
Although
 some obvious negative effects, I personally think that they are outweighed by the advantages. On the one hand, there are two major disadvantages of
this
 trend, the main drawback is
people
 will easily lose their money, time and effort when they try taking the risky challenge. Most
people
 underestimate the difficulty, so they just do things, follow their dreams by giving up their jobs, and spend more money on it without thinking about the results.
For example
, many youngsters invest their money in Bitcoin when they do not have enough knowledge, which leads them to financial problems or even serious debts.
Additionally
, when
people
 take risks, their health will get into trouble if the results are not as they want like isolation, depression and anxiety.
On the other hand
,
although
 some drawbacks are mentioned, the benefits are more specific than the negative effects.
Firstly
,
people
 have a chance to gain more knowledge and relationships when they do some things that they usually do not. Myself is an example of
this
, I took a gap of around six months in Vietnam, and it gave me a chance to learn more about what I want to be, and I met a lot of
people
 who were willing to give me advice.
Secondly
, it will help
people
 improve their soft confidentiality which will help them a lot in the future and they will not be affair of challenges. Despite some consequences of
this
 trend, I totally argue that it brings more beneficial than detrimental effects.
Submitted by huynhvinhthai236 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider varying your sentence structures and transitions for smoother flow between ideas.
Lexical Resource
Integrate a wider range of vocabulary to precisely express your ideas, avoiding over-repetition of certain words or phrases.
Task Achievement
For even stronger task achievement, ensuring a balanced discussion of both sides with more diversified examples can add depth to your argument.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay attention to minor grammatical inaccuracies and strive to refine your grammatical range and accuracy for a higher band score.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, presenting a clear position on the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've structured your essay logically with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in reader understanding.
Task Achievement
Good use of examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument and makes it more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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