IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
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The diagram depicts the way
sugar
Use synonyms
 is produced from
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane. It seems that the production of
sugar
Use synonyms
 requires a great deal of effort. It can be implied that the process of
sugar
Use synonyms
 production consists of 7 different stages, beginning with planting
sugar
Use synonyms
 canes on a farm and ending with cooling and drying of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane is planted by farmers on a vast farm. When they grow for 12-18 months, farmers harvest them by a combine or manually. In the subsequent stage,
sugar
Use synonyms
 canes are passed through a crushing machine to turn into juice.
Then
Linking Words
, they should undergo the purifying process to lose their dust and dirt.
This
Linking Words
 stage should be carried out by a limestone filter which is placed into a funnel shape tool.
Next,
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 liquid is put in an evaporator to lose its moisture and converted into syrup. After that, in the centrifuge stage,
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals are separated from syrup.
Finally
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals should be dried and cooled prior to distribution in the market.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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