IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#britain #someone #home #people #nurses #government #care
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Nursing
house
Verb problem
homes have
show examples
 become more and more popular these days as seniors can get proper
care
Use synonyms
 from nurses and socialise with
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a similar
age
Use synonyms
 at the same time. I think it is a great place for old
people
Use synonyms
 especially for those who do not have the ability to live by themselves. From my perspective,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should be paying all or part of the fee to ensure the
elderlies
Fix the agreement mistake
elderly are
show examples
 able to receive appropriate
care
Use synonyms
 after their retirement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 has
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
a responsibility
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 to confirm the wellness of the
elderliers
Correct your spelling
elderly
 considering they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 contributed significantly to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society at their prime
age
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. Seniors normally worked for more than 40 years in
varies
Replace the word
various
show examples
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 serving the country
such
Linking Words
 as accountant, chef, project manager and construction worker.
In addition
Linking Words
, they had been
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 income tax payer throughout the years they worked which
assist
Wrong verb form
assisted
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
to develop
Change preposition
in developing
show examples
 infrastructures and
introduce
Wrong verb form
introducing
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 measures to address income equality issues.
Consider
Wrong verb form
Considering
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 the amount of time and
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 they
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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put in for the better of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, the
government
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 has an undeniable obligation to make sure the old
people
Use synonyms
 are living their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 happily after they
reached
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reach retirement
age
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 may believe their family should be paying the nursing home fee
instead
Linking Words
 of the
governemnt
Correct your spelling
government
 as they made the decision not to take
care
Use synonyms
 of the older family member themselves.
However
Linking Words
, not all of the elderly
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 any family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
. A lot of
people
Use synonyms
 these days refuse to build a family
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 of the high living cost and the
persurance
Correct your spelling
assurance
pursuance
 of freedom. Those
people
Use synonyms
 may require the
care
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of the ability to live alone but not have a partner or dependent to afford the fee and they may
ended
Change the verb form
end
show examples
 up being homeless.
For example
Linking Words
, Financial support for
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
care
Use synonyms
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 does not
exsist
Correct your spelling
exist
 in
Hond
Correct your spelling
Hong
show examples
 Kong as
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 does not value the elderly.
As a result
Linking Words
 ,
Correct article usage
the marjority
show examples
marjority
Correct your spelling
majority
 of old
people
Use synonyms
 refuse to leave
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
show examples
 once they
recovered
Wrong verb form
recover
show examples
 from sickness because they have nowhere to go or do not have
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 carer to perform basic
care
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should pay for the
care
Use synonyms
 to make sure the elderly receive
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
care
Use synonyms
. In summary, the
government
Use synonyms
 should pay for the
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 facility as a way to express their
gratitute
Correct your spelling
gratitude
 to the old
people
Use synonyms
 who
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 invested
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by jennygo64 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are well-organized with clear topic sentences. This can further improve logical flow and make your argument stronger.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples by providing more detail and context. This will help to strengthen your argument and enhance your score for task achievement.
General
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing. Small inaccuracies may not significantly affect your score, but consistent correctness contributes to overall coherence.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance on the topic, showing a consistent and reasoned argument throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've used a range of linking words effectively to guide readers through your argument, enhancing the essay's overall coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, effectively framing your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aging population
  • Elderly care
  • Nursing homes
  • Social welfare
  • Intergenerational responsibility
  • Caregiving
  • Financial burden
  • Quality of life
  • Pension funds
  • Healthcare policy
  • Taxation
  • Subsidies
  • Private insurance
  • Long-term care
  • Sustainability
What to do next:
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