IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, governments are spending a large amount of money on improving internet access. Why is it happening and do you think it is the most appropriate use of government money?

#countries #governments #amount #money #internet #access #government
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The significant investment in improving
internet
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access
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 by
governments
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 worldwide stems from several compelling reasons.
Firstly
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, the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 has become an indispensable tool for communication, education, commerce, and accessing essential services. It plays a pivotal role in modern society, facilitating everything from online learning to telecommuting and e-commerce.
Thus
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,
governments
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 recognize the importance of ensuring that all citizens have equitable
access
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 to the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 to participate fully in the digital age.
Secondly
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, enhancing
internet
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 infrastructure can stimulate economic growth and innovation. Improved
access
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 can attract investment, foster entrepreneurship, and create job opportunities, particularly in technology-related sectors.
Additionally
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, it can bridge the digital divide, empowering marginalized communities and narrowing socioeconomic disparities.
However
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,
while
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 investing in
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 infrastructure is crucial, it may not always be the most appropriate or immediate priority for government spending. Other pressing issues,
such
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 as healthcare, education, and infrastructure development,
also
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 demand attention and resources.
Therefore
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,
governments
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 must strike a balance between investing in
internet
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access
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 and addressing other critical societal needs. In conclusion,
while
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 the investment in improving
internet
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access
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 by
governments
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 is understandable and beneficial for societal development, it should be part of a comprehensive approach that considers various priorities and allocates resources
accordingly
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. Ultimately, the goal should be to create a well-rounded and inclusive society where all citizens can thrive, both online and offline.
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Task Achievement
To elevate your essay, consider presenting a wider range of examples and more complex arguments. Adding comparative cases from specific countries or detailed statistical data can enrich your argument and provide a deeper analysis.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a strong structure, but to improve further, consider varying your sentence structures and using a broader range of linking words. This can enhance the flow and complexity of your argument, making your essay more engaging.
Task Achievement
You effectively addressed the topic, providing a clear and comprehensive exploration of why governments are investing in internet access and its importance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates excellent coherence and cohesion, with a logical structure, a coherent argument, and clear introductions and conclusions for each point made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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