For countries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and math. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill be mande as a fourth skill to be added to the list. To what extent do you agree.

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The computer was invented almost a century ago and has become
one
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of the most significant knowledge nowadays. Though the expertise of
this
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skill may contribute to society, I believe that it doesn'
t
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urgently include it as a mandatory ability
besides
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writing, reading, or mathematics. On the
one
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hand, from the very first of education, most students are taught basic skills (writing, reading, and math), albeit some of them have learned
computers
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autodidactically since their earlier ages. Those skills are necessities for learning programming and logic and are compulsory for computer prowess
hence
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there are certainly minimum requirements for those willing to learn
computers
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.
In other words
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, pupils from kindergarten and entry-level education are not necessarily required to start learning it.
In addition
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, not all courses and concentrations need
computers
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as a fundamental competence,
for instance
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, arts and humanities.
However
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, they mostly still demand basic skills,
for example
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reading, to advance those subjects.
One
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clear example is dancing and musicals. Many teachers deliver training or formal education, especially in these subjects, with less technological assistance,
therefore
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computing devices aren'
t
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likely required.
Moreover
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, dealing with computational abilities undoubtedly entails devices and gadgets that are presumably not affordable for certain people, particularly in underdeveloped areas, where facilities or infrastructures aren'
t
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as sophisticated as in towns or cities.
In other words
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, some people are not able to purchase or have
computers
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in their homes or schools,
for instance
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, people from East Indonesia barely buy smartphones or other gadgets because they lack income, and
instead
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they put money into basic needs (food or water). In conclusion,
although
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computers
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have emerged as
one
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of the most crucial competencies these days, I think they shouldn'
t
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necessarily be made as a fourth skill because of affordability and inclusivity. I recommend including them in extracurricular activities.
Submitted by evitaseptianasudiyanto on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure your examples are directly linked to how computer skills could impact different subjects and the broader benefits or drawbacks. Specific real-world examples could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, focusing on smoother transitions between paragraphs could enhance the logical flow. Although your essay is well-structured, using more varied linking words and phrases will improve connectivity between ideas.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding your discussion on why computer skills could be seen as less essential in comparison to other core subjects by including more varied perspectives or counterarguments. This could provide a more balanced view and enhance your argument's depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've done a great job at structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your argument presents a thoughtful perspective on the importance of computer skills versus traditional education components, showing a good understanding of the task.
Task Achievement
You've effectively incorporated examples to support your points, such as the reference to East Indonesia's economic situation, which adds real-world relevance to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Baseline requirement
  • Niche advantage
  • Curriculums
  • Socioeconomic backgrounds
  • The digital divide
  • Educational equity
  • Integrating
  • Enrich traditional lessons
  • Engaging
  • Effective
  • Core educational curriculums
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