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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #aim #university #education #graduates #jobs #individuals #society
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There are groups who presume that finding suitable careers for students is the purpose of academic
education
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.
while
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 other groups say that purpose is not limited to that and rather consists of numerous favours for
people
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 and the community.
This
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 essay is going to discuss how training in universities targets various elements. It is widely accepted by every individual that
education
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 plays a significant role in
people
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's lives. On the one hand, some believe that it only aids students after graduation to find a proper career or to have more options in selecting job opportunities. In the meantime , they justify that without an academic certificate finding work will be challenging.
For instance
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,
people
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 have to choose general works and hope to be promoted in the future.
Also
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, they assume academic certifications are approved in domestic organizations only and not internationally.
Overall
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, they do not imagine other usages for
education
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 in academic centres.
On the other hand
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, one has to consider different angles of training and the results obtained from it. By way of illustration, despite presenting proper conditions and opportunities for careers, some state that, it enhances the culture among those graduates which directly impacts the core of society. A case in point is the quality of utilizing public services in the country
along with
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 mutual respect among
people
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.
Therefore
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, not only does it provide better jobs but it
also
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 boosts the average knowledge of the public which in turn affects the future of countries like workers with academic knowledge throughout the industries and all other sectors. In a nutshell, we can see a great number of advantages in training. In summary, even though the most efficient effect of
education
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 in universities can be the appropriate jobs, we have to take into account other benefits derived from it as well which in my point of view, plays an important role in society's wealth
while
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 being compared to other nations.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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Supporting examples
To improve your score further, consider providing more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
Grammar
Pay attention to the accuracy and range of your grammatical structures. Making sure you use a variety of complex sentences accurately can elevate your score.
Expansion of ideas
Consider expanding on how university education benefits society beyond individual careers. Discussing broader impacts can add depth to your argument and showcase your understanding of the topic's wider significance.
Balanced argument
Your essay effectively discusses both views of the argument, providing a balanced perspective.
Structure
The structure of your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, aids in its coherence and easy readability.
Transitions
Your use of transitions to connect ideas smoothly helps maintain the flow of the essay, making your argument more cohesive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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