IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar which cause many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to enourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the rapid growth of technology, the world has come a long way
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the lifestyle of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 has changed a lot in the past few years. In the midst of change , it can be seen that Human's food habits changed a lot. Nowadays
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 are more into fast foods and sweet products . It is globally acknowledged that manufactured food and
drinks
Change the noun form
drink

Your sentence appears to use the incorrect form of drinks. Consider changing it to singular.

show examples
 products are made with high levels of sugar which causes numerous health problems
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as diabetes , high blood pressure and many more .
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 assertion seems pretty serious all across the globe . A colossal number of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 believe that increasing the rate of sugary products can lead
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to consume less sugar. Somewhere , I vehemently Agree with the notion . In the succeeding monograph , I intend to delve into the setbacks
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 possible remedies to curb
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 menace

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Task Achievement
Make sure your essay directly addresses the question asked, providing clear arguments for your stance.
Task Achievement
Develop your paragraphs with one main idea each and support these ideas with specific examples or evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas effectively across the essay. This includes conjunctions, linking phrases, and topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly expresses your viewpoint on the topic, and your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively, reiterating your overall stance.
Task Achievement
You have a good starting point for your essay, indicating your agreement with the statement and setting the stage for further discussion.
Task Achievement
You've identified a significant global issue, recognizing the impact of high sugar consumption on health.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your writing shows an attempt at structuring arguments and providing a logical flow of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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