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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #health #future
With the passage of time and the improvement of technology and science, the average life span and
overall
 well-being have been on a steady growth,
however
,
this
also
 resulted in many becoming too comfortable and lazy. Which
also
 has a negative impact on them. Throughout history, humanity has faced numerous pandemics and illnesses. Not only that
,
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 but
also
 famines caused by war or lack of properly prepared sanitized food. It is an understatement to say we've progressed, rather many of the said problems have been completely wiped out or non-existent now. With mass production of nutritious supplies of food, pharmaceutical products and well-accessed healthcare have become a norm.
As well as
 sports facilities and other forms of exercise are well-founded in all societies.
For example
,
Pox
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POX
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 or forms of it
are
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no longer
existing
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exist
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 because of vaccine shots. Yet, with a number of issues solved, there are still many battling with newly risen matters,
such
 as obesity or drug usage. Ironically their root are the same as the solved topics mentioned before. An overweighted individual has easy access to mass amounts of food which do not require a lot of physical activity to reach. Same with an addicted person, with modern science inventing all sorts of chemicals for them to use.These instances have sparked debates and arguments about what should be done to battle them.
For instance
, the crack epidemic is going on in
america
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America
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, a drug
firstly
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first
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 introduced as a pain killer. In my humble point of view, as human beings, it is a personal decision whether to seek a healthier lifestyle or neglect them, no matter how much our modern equipment evolves for the better, it is ultimately their choice.
Submitted by soroush.nezami on

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task achievement
Be sure to have a clearer introduction that directly addresses the prompt, offering a concise thesis statement about your position.
task achievement
Develop a conclusion that summarizes your arguments and reiterates your stance, providing a strong closure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas between and within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Focus on exploring each main point in separate paragraphs, ensuring that each has a clear topic sentence and comprehensive support.
task achievement
You've provided relevant examples from history and modern times, such as the eradication of certain diseases and current health issues, which strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the advancements in healthcare and the new challenges faced today, effectively addressing the prompt.
coherence cohesion
You demonstrated good logical structure by organizing your essay into paragraphs, each discussing a distinct aspect of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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