IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

In many countries, the crime level is increasing, and crimes are becoming more violent. What is the reason and what can be done about it?

#countries #crime #level #crimes #reason
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is irrefutable that the crime rate has been increasing at an alarming rate . An extremely harsh problem nowadays many countries are facing is
to deal
Change the verb form
dealing
show examples
 with the crime rate increasing astonishingly and becoming more severe. In my view, there are several probable reasons for
this
Linking Words
 issue
such
Linking Words
 as the population
booming
Replace the word
boom
show examples
, the lack of education and financial problems . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the setbacks
as well as
Linking Words
 proffer remedies to curb
this
Linking Words
 menace.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essay Development
Your introduction is strong, setting a clear stage for the discussion. Consider further developing your essay by expanding on the reasons for the rise in crime rates and by offering more detailed solutions. This will strengthen your argument and support a higher score in task achievement.
Structuring
For coherence and cohesion, you've established a logical structure and your opening is promising. To improve, pay attention to the flow between paragraphs. Using connecting words or phrases can help create a smoother transition, enhancing the understanding of your argument.
Example Usage
Including specific examples and case studies can significantly support your main points. This approach not only increases your essay's relevance but also showcases your ability to apply your understanding to real-world scenarios, which is essential for higher scores in task achievement.
Introduction
Your essay has a clear introduction that effectively outlines the essay topic and your stance, making it easy to follow.
Content Knowledge
You have identified key reasons for the increase in crime, which demonstrates a good grasp of the issue at hand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: