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Band 4.5

Some people say that protecting the environment is the government’s responsibility. Others believe that every individual's responsibility for it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #environment #government’s #responsibility
People
 seem to have contradictory views regarding whether preserving the environment is limited to
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsibility
show examples
 of the administration. I believe that the former point of
vie
Correct your spelling
view
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 is more convincing and applicable in most contexts. Some
people
 advocate that
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
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 pollution is
obligation
Add an article
the obligation
an obligation
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 of the state. The first benefit is that it is a commendable
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 that can generate positive outcomes for individuals and society.
This
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 manifests social responsibility and
Correct article usage
a humanitarian
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humanitarian
Correct article usage
a humanitarian
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 spirit. It can contribute to the resolution of social problems and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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improve waste pollution and public promotion. At the same time, the ministration holds more authority methods to help
people
 how to care
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 natural resources. Other
people
 support the idea that it is everyone’s obligation. It exposes us to different opinions and knowledge, which
situmlates
Correct your spelling
stimulates
 us to be more active and healthier. We may
also
 be motivated to challenge existing limits of norms and values, and even generate breakthrough ideas about waste utilization and how to reduce personal waste. Meanwhile,
this
 can set a good example for our generation, because children learn
according to
 the way their parents do things. In summary, from my viewpoint, both alternatives have some benefits, but in the majority of scenarios, the former is a more desirable option for individuals. I think that protecting the environment is not only a moral duty
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 a wise investment for the future of humanity.
Submitted by cathyielts22 on

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Clarity & Stance
You presented a clear argument with defined perspectives, but ensure that each paragraph presents a cohesive argument without contradictions. It appears that in attempting to discuss both views and your own opinion, you may have slightly muddled the clarity of your stance.
Language Use
To strengthen your essay, try incorporating a wider range of linking phrases and topic-specific vocabulary to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Conclusion
Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points discussed and restates your personal stance clearly, reinforcing the coherence of your overall argument.
Task Response
You effectively addressed both views as per the task's requirements.
Support & Depth
Provided specific reasons and examples to support arguments, demonstrating an ability to discuss ideas in depth.
Flow & Organization
Maintained a logical flow of ideas throughout, contributing to the essay's overall coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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