IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

By punishing murderers with death penalty, society is guilty of commiting murder.Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murders. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

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Although
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 some people say it would be better to use a death sentence to punish murderers, others believe that it is unethical and we should use only a
life
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 imprisonment penalty for killers. From my point of view, I agree with the former and the reasons to support my opinion will be outlined in the following paragraphs before a conclusion is reached.
Firstly
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, the execution penalty should be allowed in every country in the world as the courts are the only ones who can utilise it. As we all value our own lives, the death sentence is a good example for everyone in society to realise that if they are taking someone's
life
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, they need to trade their
life
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 too. These days, we can notice the news on television or in newspapers about killing or taking other's lives without hesitation just because of some little conflicts. So if we apply
this
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 rule properly, people in communities will be scared and think carefully before doing nonsense things.
Secondly
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, staff in the department of corrections in some countries is not transparent. They might receive some dirty money from the killers themself or their relatives. So they allow these folks to spend their captivative
life
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 the same or might be better compared to the others that get a low sentence
such
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 as burglar or theft. Staff will provide them convenience
for instance
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 they do not need to wake up early to attend the morning activities or do not need to do the chores. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the execution as it can make our lives more safer and people need to think thoroughly before taking an action or deciding to do something.
Moreover
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, if we strictly operate
this
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 law, I would say our citizens will have more conscience and they will value
life
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 more in the future.

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Task Achievement
To enhance the relevancy and strength of your examples, include more detailed, specific instances to illustrate your points. This will not only enrich your argument but also make it more persuasive to the reader.
Task Achievement
Considering varying perspectives and demonstrating a more nuanced understanding of the topic could improve the depth of your essay. While it's clear you have a strong stance, acknowledging counterarguments could further strengthen your position.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay shows a good organizational structure. To improve coherence, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, effectively framing the essay's argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The main points are supported and organized in a logical manner, making your stance and reasoning clear.
Task Achievement
You've satisfactorily completed the task by comprehensively responding to the prompt, presenting clear and comprehensive ideas related to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral equivalence
  • cycle of violence
  • capital punishment
  • deterrence
  • wrongful execution
  • reversibility
  • rehabilitation
  • redemption
  • collective conscience
  • 'eye for an eye' mentality
  • humane response
  • perpetuator
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