Some people advocate the death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society.Describe the advantages and disadvantages of the death penalty and give your opinion.
Nowadays lots of violent crimes
is
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are
happen
in most Wrong verb form
happening
of
countries. Some Change preposition
apply
people
agree that the death
penalty
for
those who committed violent crimes, but some Add a missing verb
is for
group
of Fix the agreement mistake
groups
people
disagree with the idea of giving punishment unacceptable in contemporary society
. In the next
following Correct word choice
apply
paragraph
I will Add a comma
paragraph,
be
describe Unnecessary verb
apply
in
both Change preposition
apply
of
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apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
view
.
To what Change to a plural noun
views
I
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apply
extend
I somewhat agree with the idea that Replace the word
extent
people
who committed violent crime
. should be Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
advocate
Wrong verb form
advocated
the
Change preposition
for the
death
penalty
, example
of harassment in Correct article usage
An example
the
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apply
society
is unacceptable as we have seen in today
world lots of crime Change noun form
today's
rate
are higher than before. because lots of Fix the agreement mistake
rates
people
are uneducated they still do not know what is right and what is wrong that is
why all this problem
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these problems
still
in the present of the time. In my Add a missing verb
are still
opinion
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opinion,
people
who have done this
kind of thing need to get advocate
because the world cannot develop if there Fix the agreement mistake
advocates
is
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are
people
like this
in the country to help reduce the crime rate we need to be more strict in rule of country
than Add an article
the country
this
.
Moreover
some Add a comma
Moreover,
of
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apply
young
age Add an article
the young
people
who have no parent to teach them can be sent to school
which will help them how to behave with Add an article
a school
people
, so they will not go in the wrong way. In my opinion
I Add a comma
opinion,
am not support
young children Change the verb form
do not support
to watch
any kind of film or movie, Change the verb form
watching
also
series which including
of robbery Wrong verb form
include
movie
, Fix the agreement mistake
movies
murder
which Add an article
a murder
inspire
them to do the same thing as in the movie. Change the verb form
inspires
Nevertheless
, starting from family can be help
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help
people
to
stop doing Verb problem
apply
this
kind go thing in the
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apply
society
which will effect
Correct your spelling
affect
to
the Change preposition
apply
death
penalty
.
In conclusion, there is
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are
advantage
and Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
disadvantage
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disadvantages
of advocate
the Change preposition
to advocating
death
penalty
. because some of
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apply
people
can e change which
they just need more Correct pronoun usage
apply
caring
from Replace the word
care
parent
to Fix the agreement mistake
parents
guild
them and in Correct your spelling
guide
this
school, teacher
are still Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
are
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apply
plying
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playing
in
the role of Change preposition
apply
society
.Submitted by fonnfahh2402 on
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Organizational Structure
Your essay touches on important aspects of the prompt, but could benefit from a more structured approach. Try to clearly outline your main points in the introduction and conclude your essay by summarizing your standpoint and the key arguments.
Argument Development
Work on developing your ideas more thoroughly. Each paragraph should focus on a clear main idea, followed by explanations, examples, or reasons to back it up.
Language Accuracy
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and word choice to improve clarity. Regular practice and review of basic grammar rules will help.
Sentence Variety
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Mixing simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your writing more dynamic.
Examples
To strengthen your argument, provide more specific examples or data where possible. This will make your essay more convincing and grounded in reality.
Opinion Clarity
Your opinion is noted but aim to present it more clearly and prominently, especially in your conclusion, to fulfill the task requirement more effectively.
Balance in Discussion
Your essay demonstrates an effort to address both sides of the argument, which is good practice for balanced discussion.
Engagement with Topic
You show a willingness to engage with complex issues, suggesting solutions and showing awareness of societal impacts.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite