IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

#countries #governments #technology #government #money
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IN DIFFERENT NATIONS COUNCILS ARE SPENDING THEIR
MONEY
Use synonyms
 ON NEW EQUIPMENT TO CONFRONT THE PUBLIC. I PERSONALLY BELIEVE THAT
THE
Correct article usage
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OVERPOPULATION IS MAKING IT HARDER FOR THE ADMINISTRATORS TO CONTROL THE PROBLEMS RELATED TO ITS RESIDENTS.
ADDITIONALLY
Linking Words
, IT NEED TO APPRECIATE THAT INVESTING RESOURCES IN MANAGING
PEOPLE
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 IS AS ESSENTIAL AS DEVELOPING THE COUNTRY. AS THE TIME PASS, MORE AND MORE HUMAN WERE BORN FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD,
NOT TO MENTION
Linking Words
 A SINGLE COUNTRY. THE PHENOMENON COME IN PAIRED WITH RISING PROBLEMS IN SOCIETY LIKE SOCIAL ILLS AND MORE BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT OF
PEOPLE
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 IN A SQUARE. BY DEVELOPING THE TECHNOLOGY THAT CAN EFFICIENTLY FIND AND
RISING
Wrong verb form
RISE
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 WITH THE INCOMING ISSUES, THE GOVERNMENTS MAY DO BETTER AT THEIR JOB OF ENSURING THE SAFETY OF THEIR INHABITANTS. THAT WHY THEY POUR THE
MONEY
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 IN THE LATEST TOOL TO ACHIEVE THE GOAL. BY INVESTING THE CASH IN IMPROVING THE SECURITY OF THE
PEOPLE
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, A NATION COUNCIL CAN GAIN A LOT OF BENEFITS LIKE THE TRUST OF ITS
PEOPLE
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, STEADY DEVELOPMENT AND MORE.
WHILE
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 OTHERS MAY GIVE THEIR
MONEY
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 TO FIND A WAY TO LIVE IN
THE
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OUTER SPACE, WHICH STILL CAN NOT BE PROVEN POSSIBLE ARE NOT AND CAN BECOME A HUGE LOSS FOR THE INVESTOR.
WHEREAS
Linking Words
, THE
USE
Correct word choice
PUBLIC USE
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 OF
MONEY
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 PUBLIC
IN
Change preposition
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IMPROVES THE LIFE STANDARD OF
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 ALWAYS
PROVE
Correct subject-verb agreement
PROVES
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 IT IS PROFITABLE IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.
THIS
Linking Words
 SHOWED THAT THE USAGE OF GOVERNMENT
MONEY
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 POURED INTO NEW TECHNOLOGY IS APPROPRIATE.
TO CONCLUDE
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, BECAUSE
THE
Correct article usage
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OVERPOPULATION IS MAKING IT HARDER TO SOLVE SOCIAL ISSUES, GOVERNMENTS ARE SPENDING
MONEY
Use synonyms
 TO FIND MORE EFFICIENT INSTRUMENTS TO DEAL WITH THE RISING PROBLEMS.
THIS
Linking Words
 IS AN APPROPRIATE USAGE OF THE NATION'S CASH BECAUSE IT ENSURE HAPPINESS AND SAFETY FOR THE RESIDENTS.

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Presentation
It's advisable to avoid using all capitals in your writing as it can make the essay difficult to read. Standard capitalization practices are more reader-friendly.
Content
Try to focus on providing clearer, more specific examples to support your arguments. This would enhance the relevance and depth of your essay.
Structure
Work on developing a clearer structure with well-defined paragraphs, each covering a specific aspect of the topic. This would greatly improve the logical flow of your essay.
Grammar
Consider revising your essay for grammatical accuracy and variety in sentence structure to make your arguments more coherent and compelling.
Task Response
You have successfully identified a relevant topic and provided a clear standpoint, which is crucial for task achievement.
Task Response
You show an understanding of the importance of discussing both the reasons for government investment in new technology and its appropriateness, which is good for addressing the essay prompt fully.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital transformation
  • service delivery
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • tech-savvy
  • contemporary lifestyle
  • public satisfaction
  • data management
  • smart city technologies
  • predictive policing
  • data privacy
  • digital divide
  • inclusivity
  • governance
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
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