It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #history #world

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History

is an essential subject in every school curriculum and there has been

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controversial debate about the importance of teaching local

history

instead

of world

history

to schoolchildren. From my perspective, I strongly agree that local

history

should be put much more emphasis on.

Firstly

, studying local

history

can strengthen the bond between

students

and their

hometown

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hometowns

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. It is undeniable that those

students

who had a deep insight into their locality’s

history

develops

Wrong verb form

developed

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a sense of patriotism.

For instance

, Vietnamese teachers

has

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have

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taught their

students

about how their

ancestor

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ancestors

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fought against the invaders and reclaimed their independence.

Thus

, schoolchildren would take pride

their

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in their

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origin and appreciate the life that they have today.

Moreover

, local

history

has played an important role in educating pupils about their hometown’s traditional values and identity.

Additionally

, local

history

provides lots of information for schoolchildren about

ttheir

Correct your spelling

their

country in the past so they can broaden their

mind

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minds

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. Acquiring knowledge about the country’s past events equips

students

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with historic

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historic

Correct word choice

historical

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lessons to tackle their normal life

issue

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issues

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or in many fields

such

as politics, business,… in the future.

For example

, those who

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

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have learned about the Ho dynasty in Vietnam can understand the power of the

mass

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masses

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in financial

developing

Replace the word

development

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. Learning local

history

also

offer

Correct subject-verb agreement

offers

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students

a well-rounded perspective of life and

numerous

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

knowledge about the homeland. If you want to become a local historian, learning domestic

history

is the primary thing that

bring

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brings

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back lots of merits. In

briefly

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brief

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, the significance of domestic

history

should be

put

Verb problem

given

show examples

much attention

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apply

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because

students

should thoroughly

understood

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understand

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their local historical

background’s

Unnecessary verb

background

show examples

before

Correct your spelling

learning

learing

Correct your spelling

learning

international

history

Submitted by dohuyhoang on Tue Apr 16 2024

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Task Achievement

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, accurately framing your argument which is a strong point. To enhance your task response, you could further balance your discussion by exploring a wider range of perspectives on the importance of local vs. world history. This would add depth to your argument and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Coherence & Cohesion

You've organized your essay well with a logical structure, including a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve coherence, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to more fluidly connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow and readability of your essay.

Task Achievement

You have used relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument. To further enhance your essay, aim to incorporate specific, detailed examples that directly relate to the arguments you are making. Doing so will make your points more convincing and your essay more engaging.

Coherence & Cohesion

Effective use of introduction and conclusion to frame your argument.

Task Achievement

Good use of relevant examples to support your main points.

Coherence & Cohesion

Logical structure and coherent argument throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

267 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

heritage
cultural identity
ancestry
traditions
globalization
empathy
contemporary issues
integrate
perspective
civilization
diversity
innovations
historical significance
nationalism
cosmopolitanism
historiography
geopolitical

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It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In today’s digital age, anyone with a smartphone can capture and share photographs. This accessibility to photography diminishes the value of professional photographers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Q. Traffic jams and long commutes have become the paradigm in big cities. Some people suggest that introducing alternative forms of transportation can help to reduce both of these problems while others affirm that investing in highway infrastructure would generate the same impact.

Nowadays youngsters are less polite and less respectful than in the past. What do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this issue?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Playing computer games only has negative effects on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree