It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

History
is an essential subject in every school curriculum and there has been
an
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a
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controversial debate about the importance of teaching local
history
instead
of world
history
to schoolchildren. From my perspective, I strongly agree that local
history
should be put much more emphasis on.
Firstly
, studying local
history
can strengthen the bond between
students
and their
hometown
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hometowns
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. It is undeniable that those
students
who had a deep insight into their locality’s
history
develops
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developed
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a sense of patriotism.
For instance
, Vietnamese teachers
has
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have
show examples
taught their
students
about how their
ancestor
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ancestors
show examples
fought against the invaders and reclaimed their independence.
Thus
, schoolchildren would take pride
their
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in their
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origin and appreciate the life that they have today.
Moreover
, local
history
has played an important role in educating pupils about their hometown’s traditional values and identity.
Additionally
, local
history
provides lots of information for schoolchildren about
ttheir
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their
country in the past so they can broaden their
mind
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minds
show examples
. Acquiring knowledge about the country’s past events equips
students
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with historic
show examples
historic
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historical
show examples
lessons to tackle their normal life
issue
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issues
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or in many fields
such
as politics, business,… in the future.
For example
, those who
have
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apply
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have learned about the Ho dynasty in Vietnam can understand the power of the
mass
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masses
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in financial
developing
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development
show examples
. Learning local
history
also
offer
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offers
show examples
students
a well-rounded perspective of life and
numerous
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apply
show examples
knowledge about the homeland. If you want to become a local historian, learning domestic
history
is the primary thing that
bring
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brings
show examples
back lots of merits. In
briefly
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brief
show examples
, the significance of domestic
history
should be
put
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given
show examples
much attention
on
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apply
show examples
because
students
should thoroughly
understood
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understand
show examples
their local historical
background’s
Unnecessary verb
background
show examples
before
Correct your spelling
learning
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
international
history
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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Task Achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, accurately framing your argument which is a strong point. To enhance your task response, you could further balance your discussion by exploring a wider range of perspectives on the importance of local vs. world history. This would add depth to your argument and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've organized your essay well with a logical structure, including a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve coherence, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to more fluidly connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow and readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument. To further enhance your essay, aim to incorporate specific, detailed examples that directly relate to the arguments you are making. Doing so will make your points more convincing and your essay more engaging.
Coherence & Cohesion
Effective use of introduction and conclusion to frame your argument.
Task Achievement
Good use of relevant examples to support your main points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Logical structure and coherent argument throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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