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Band 2

Some people think that they can be fit by going to gym, while others think there are other better way to remain fit. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #gym
Due to
rapid
Correct article usage
the rapid
show examples
 growth of
technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
 the world has come a long way
therefore
 the lifestyle of
people
 has changed a lot in the past few years . There is an old saying that 'health is wealth '. In the midst of change ,
people
 become very health conscious . In
this
 contemporary epoch , society has been divided into two groups as per the distinct mindsets of different folks. There is a colossal number of
people
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
show examples
 that
people
 can
be stay
Change the verb form
stay
show examples
 fit by going to the gym meanwhile some citizens claim that there some
others way
Fix the agreement mistake
other ways
show examples
 to stay healthy
such
 as healthy eating habits or
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the rationale for both beliefs
as well as
 proffer examples to justify my point of view.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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Introduction Clarity
Try to provide a clearer introduction that directly addresses the prompt—this helps in guiding your reader to understand the forthcoming discussion.
Paragraph Structure
In the body of your essay, consider discussing each viewpoint (gym vs. other methods) in separate paragraphs. This structure aids in better argumentation and clarity.
Use of Examples
Include specific examples to support your claims. This strengthens your arguments and makes your essay more compelling.
Conclusion Presence
Ensure to include a conclusion that summarizes your discussion and clearly states your opinion, as this was missing from the provided text.
Introduction
Your essay starts with an engaging prologue on the importance of health, setting a good stage for discussion.
Topic Introduction
You successfully introduce the debate, highlighting the presence of contrasting viewpoints in society about fitness.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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