It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
It is believed that individuals are encouraged to take every
opportunities
in their lives, whether in the professional or personal field. I assume that there are more pros than Change to a singular noun
opportunity
the
drawbacks Correct article usage
apply
of
taking Change preposition
to
risks
,
because they bring some chances for improvements Remove the comma
apply
than
sticking Rephrase
rather than
for
the comfort zone, without any enhancements.
First of all, it is understandable that many people choose to do their obvious and common activities, Change preposition
to
in contrast
, to practise some new things that might be unfamiliar and uncomfortable to them. The reason for this
is that the feeling of disappointment and failure is what scared them most. For instance
, it is not uncommon for employees over 40 to get stuck to their current job, although
they got paid under average salary and do not have a title for their position. Supposedly they needed to resign themselves and find a better opportunity outside, instead
, they chose to stay since they thought that there would be no company that would accept the old and then
become unemployed.
On the other hand
, there are a lot of benefits of trying to be on the
different sides. People are full of curiosity, by pushing themselves into a new place, some fresh experiences will be gained Correct article usage
apply
as well as
the fulfilment of the curiosity. Alternatively, the risks
not
always bring the positive thing, Change the verb form
do not
did not
however
, thanks to the troubles of risks
people can learn the main morale of them
Correct your spelling
the
risks
. For example
, the journey of a successful popstar Iggy Azalea started when she was moving alone to New York without any figures. She was very scared of any worst possibilities that could happen,
because she faced difficulties Remove the comma
apply
from
every Change preposition
with
moves
, but Change to a singular noun
move
overall
she managed to survive and gained fame by joining a record label in New York.
To sum up
, losing some to gain is a suitable phrase for this
argument since there is nothing to be worried about to accept every chance. As a result
, a reward such
as an admirable future could easily be led to.Submitted by dnm.best on
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Task Achievement
It's great that you've clearly expressed your viewpoint and provided examples to support your ideas. However, try to develop your arguments more fully with a deeper analysis of the examples and how they support your thesis. This will make your essay more compelling and persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a good structure, but there's room for improvement in making your writing more cohesive. Consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will help your essay to flow more smoothly and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
General
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and work on varying your sentence structures. This will enhance the readability of your essay and give your arguments more impact.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly marked and present a strong thesis statement and summary of your arguments, respectively.
Examples
You effectively use examples, such as the story of Iggy Azalea, to bring your arguments to life. This makes your essay more engaging and illustrative of your points.
