Some parents allow their children to travel around the globe during school. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it?
Children are allowed to travel to various tourist places during their school time. Parents believe that
this
has a plethora of benefits. There are many upsides and a few downsides of this
trend which will be examined further
in this
essay.
Primarily, the objective behind the
world exploration is to enhance the learning exposure and to achieve Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
self reliance
. At Add a hyphen
self-reliance
first,
the kids who travel globally can learn from different cultures, people and architectures they witness during their excursions. For instance
, if an
history student Change the article
a
will travel
to Turkey, he will witness many historical mosques and could learn Wrong verb form
travels
history
behind Add an article
the history
that
. Correct pronoun usage
them
Similarly
, many places offer architectural magnificence to their tourists. Thus
, it is an amazing way to learn by exposing onself
to Correct your spelling
oneself
such
locations. Besides
this
, an individual will learn the art of self reliance
by having Add a hyphen
self-reliance
noone
with him to depend upon. To clarifyCorrect your spelling
no one
it
, it is recommended by some communities that if parents want to send their kids to foreign countries for higher education Correct pronoun usage
apply
then
they must acquaint them with traveling
to foreign lands alone. It will improve their confidence and they will learn how to start a new life in an unchartered territory.
Change the spelling
travelling
On the contrary
, it is sometimes detrimental for
Change preposition
to
academic
performance of a ward. Because of so Add an article
the academic
much
cultural changes Correct quantifier usage
many
occuring
during Correct your spelling
occurring
such
trips, children might not be able to adapt to their surroundings. They could even lag behind the curriculum taught to them due to
psychological pressure built on their mind. To exemplify this
, many children whose parents move them from one school to another face some mental disturbances as they are not able to make new friends and could even lag in their studies.
To conclude
, traveling
has a myriad of advantages Change the spelling
travelling
such
as gaining knowledge and becoming independent. However
, it may build some unwanted psychological pressures on kids and they might lag behind in their studies.Submitted by Kiran on
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Task Response
Make sure you're exploring both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic in equal depth to provide a balanced argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to include a wider range of linking phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Consider refining your examples to be more specific, which can further support your arguments and make them more compelling.
Introduction and Conclusion
You've introduced and concluded your essay effectively, creating a strong framework.
Logical Structure
Your essay presents a logical structure, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Use of Examples
The use of specific examples, like the history student traveling to Turkey, effectively illustrates your point and engages the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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