An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping on line.
In
this
modern world, Online shopping become popular and convenient for the
Correct article usage
apply
people
. Besides
this
, while
shopping online, there are pros and cons as well for individuals and corporations. I will explain in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
with, there are numerous advantages for both person
and industries doing shopping online. To explain, It Fix the agreement mistake
people
very
convenient and easy. Add a missing verb
is very
For instance
, sitting at
one placeChange preposition
in
,
can shop without going to Remove the comma
apply
store
by using Correct article usage
the store
mobile
or Correct article usage
a mobile
laptops
. Because companies provide every single detail about the product Fix the agreement mistake
laptop
in
Change preposition
apply
which
it Correct pronoun usage
apply
become
more efficient to buy the item by mass. Change the verb form
becomes
On the other hand
, this
is beneficial for industries as well. For example
, they do not need warehouses in every city in
which they can save money from Change preposition
apply
that
and other bills Correct pronoun usage
apply
such
electricity
, water etc. Change preposition
as electricity
Thus
, this
kind of shopping is useful for both.
On the other side, there are several reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
people
hesitate to buy things online. To elaborate, due to
less
quality of products and some scams, Correct word choice
the low
people
prefer to go to store
. Add an article
the store
a store
Sometime
, industries Replace the word
Sometimes
lied
to the Correct your spelling
lie
mass
about their products and put fake Fix the agreement mistake
masses
detail
online, which Fix the agreement mistake
details
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
have trust issue
buying online. Fix the agreement mistake
issues
Moreover
, in
these days, a lot of scams are happening around us by making fake websites and Change preposition
apply
stole
money. Wrong verb form
stealing
In contrast
, for
companies, Change preposition
apply
they
have to deliver their things in Correct pronoun usage
apply
given
time Correct article usage
a given
otherwise
it will affect on
reviews.
In conclusion, for Change preposition
apply
people
choose correct
websites which is familiar Correct article usage
the correct
then
they easily do shopping
without any hesitation and Correct pronoun usage
their shopping
for
companies, always need complete order Change preposition
apply
at
time Change preposition
apply
so
Change preposition
to
that
gain and maintain the Correct determiner usage
apply
people
’s trust.Submitted by AP on
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task achievement
You've done a great job of outlining some key advantages and disadvantages of online shopping for both individuals and companies. To further improve, consider integrating more varied and precise examples that clearly demonstrate each point you're making. This will add depth to your essay.
coherence & cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to organize your ideas more logically, ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with clearer connections between them. Use a variety of transition words to help guide the reader through your thoughts more seamlessly.
task achievement
When detailing the advantages and disadvantages, make sure each point is directly related to the question's focus. It's good to mention trust issues and the impact of scams, but linking these to specific examples where individuals or companies have been affected can strengthen your argument.
coherence & cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and the range of vocabulary used. Diversifying your word choice and polishing your grammar can significantly improve the effectiveness of your communication.
task achievement
You effectively address both sides of the online shopping debate, covering both advantages and disadvantages for individuals and companies.
coherence & cohesion
Including both an introduction and a conclusion helps the structure of your essay and gives a clear frame to your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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