In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is evident that
university
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students
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in some countries still choose to live
together with
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their parents,
while
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others prefer to live separately by attending
university
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in another city.
Although
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they can plausibly experience
loneliness
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, that condition can subliminally drive them to shape useful attitudes and improve their concentration.
Thus
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, I think the positive outcomes outweigh the negative ones.
To begin
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with
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with,
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the drawbacks, living away from family can make
students
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experiencing
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experience
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loneliness
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.
This
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trend is evidently found among international
students
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who have to live alone in their dormitory, resulting in not
have
Wrong verb form
having
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other people to interact
.
Change preposition
with.
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A recent survey by the
University
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of Cambridge has revealed that among their 150,000 foreign
students
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, almost 87% of them admitted to
experience
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experiencing
show examples
loneliness
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during their
university
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period.
However
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, I believe it actually can be
detered
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deterred
by encouraging them to engage in some organisational or volunteer activities that are held by
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university
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the university
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in order to expand their networks whilst they can make friends to minimise their
loneliness
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.
On the other hand
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, the decision to live separately from family during
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university
Correct article usage
the university
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period can
maneuver
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manoeuvre
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students
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to become more independent. In fact, they are responsible for doing everything on their own. Starting from doing laundry, cooking and groceries, they have to be able to rely on themselves since they cannot ask for help
to
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from
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someone else or housekeepers. Another benefit is
students
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can be more
focus
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focused
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on their academic activities. Living alone can improve the level of
concentrations
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concentration
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that sometimes
are
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is
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required by
students
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to do their tasks. It is because there is a slightest possibility that they will be distracted by noises that usually come from housing areas
such
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as barking dogs or crying babies, as they live in an exclusive environment that enables
students
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to comfortably learn. From the mentioned benefits, I think
students
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will certainly
perceived
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perceive
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more positive outcomes when they decide to live away from home because there is a likelihood of constructing a behaviour, which later can be useful for them in the long run.
Moreover
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, living alone
provide
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provides
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an ideal circumstance for them to improve their academic attainment.
To conclude
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, living away from family to pursue higher education can be challenging because someone may be exposed to
loneliness
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.
Nevertheless
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, I still think that the benefits far outweigh the mentioned drawbacks since it heightens chances for them to nurture independent behaviours
as well as
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to improve their focus for getting a remarkable grade.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Development
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Balance
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Grammar and Sentence Structure
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Linking and Cohesion
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Structure
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Introduction and Conclusion
Introduction and conclusion are effectively utilized to frame your argument, showcasing a good understanding of essay structure.
Content Relevance
You've included relevant examples to support your main points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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