The percentage of overweight children has increased rapidly in the recent years in several countries. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
Over the
few
years, the number of Correct word choice
past few
the
overweight Correct article usage
apply
children
has increased dramatically. The main reason is that the children
are having too much unheathly
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
food
. Some families prefer to buy take away
Correct your spelling
takeaway
food
instead
of cooking proper food
for the kids. It is convenient for them to buy the
fast Correct article usage
apply
food
like pizza, hamburgers, french fries with soft drinks or bubble tea. Those food
and drinks are very high in carbonhydrates
, fat and sugar. Correct your spelling
carbohydrates
Also
, Children
loves
having different kinds of snacks whenever they want. Sweets, Correct subject-verb agreement
love
chococlate
, photo chips and Correct your spelling
chocolate
chocolates
ice-cream
are very popular for Correct your spelling
ice cream
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
. The more snacks they have, the more fat they gain. Some tranditional
parents may think that the Correct your spelling
traditional
children
should eat more and without control, so the children
can grow faster .
The seond
reason is that a majority of the Correct your spelling
second
children
are
lack of doing exercise. Unnecessary verb
apply
Nowasday
, the Correct your spelling
Nowadays
children
have differnt
kinds of entertainment. They are willing to spend the time Correct your spelling
different
on
watching television, playing computer games or playing mobile phones rather than doing exercises. These activities are just staying at a place without any Change preposition
apply
exercises
. The Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
children
sweats
and Change the verb form
sweat
burns
fat with they Change the verb form
burn
doing
the Wrong verb form
do
exercse
. Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
Exercises
can help Fix the agreement mistake
Exercise
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
to lose weight and release stress.
The children
who are overwieght
and they will suffer from obesity. It will affect their health and they will easily suffer from heart disease and high blood pressure. If Correct your spelling
overweight
this
trend continues, the expenditure of
Change preposition
on
the
public health will be increased.Correct article usage
apply
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sentence structure
To improve your score, try to diversify your sentence structure for a more sophisticated expression. While your sentences convey the message, varying structure can enhance clarity and engagement.
vocabulary expansion
Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, especially synonyms for frequently used words, can help elevate your essay. You've demonstrated a good range of language, but there's still room to expand and vary your lexical choice.
cohesion
You've made a solid attempt at organizing your essay, but adding more explicit transition phrases could help improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. You have a good structure, yet clearer signposting can guide the reader more smoothly through your argument.
essay structure
Consider adding a brief conclusion to succinctly sum up your discussion. This will help strengthen your argument by clearly restating your main points and the significance of the discussion, providing a more rounded finish to your essay.
task achievement
You've done a commendable job at identifying clear causes and effects of the topic at hand, showing an understanding of the essay prompt.
specific examples
Your use of examples to support your points about causes and effects of obesity in children strengthens your argument and makes it more convincing.
logical flow
The logical flow from discussing causes to effects shows good planning and understanding of essay organization, which aids in the reader’s comprehension.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.