The percentage of overweight children has increased rapidly in the recent years in several countries. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

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Over the
few
Correct word choice
past few
show examples
years, the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overweight
children
has increased dramatically. The main reason is that the
children
are having too much
unheathly
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
food
. Some families prefer to buy
take away
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takeaway
show examples
food
instead
of cooking proper
food
for the kids. It is convenient for them to buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
like pizza, hamburgers, french fries with soft drinks or bubble tea. Those
food
and drinks are very high in
carbonhydrates
Correct your spelling
carbohydrates
, fat and sugar.
Also
,
Children
loves
Correct subject-verb agreement
love
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having different kinds of snacks whenever they want. Sweets,
chococlate
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chocolate
chocolates
, photo chips and
ice-cream
Correct your spelling
ice cream
show examples
are very popular for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
. The more snacks they have, the more fat they gain. Some
tranditional
Correct your spelling
traditional
parents may think that the
children
should eat more and without control, so the
children
can grow faster . The
seond
Correct your spelling
second
reason is that a majority of the
children
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack of doing exercise.
Nowasday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, the
children
have
differnt
Correct your spelling
different
kinds of entertainment. They are willing to spend the time
on
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apply
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watching television, playing computer games or playing mobile phones rather than doing exercises. These activities are just staying at a place without any
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
. The
children
sweats
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sweat
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and
burns
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burn
show examples
fat with they
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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the
exercse
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
.
Exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
Exercise
show examples
can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
to lose weight and release stress. The
children
who are
overwieght
Correct your spelling
overweight
and they will suffer from obesity. It will affect their health and they will easily suffer from heart disease and high blood pressure. If
this
trend continues, the expenditure
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public health will be increased.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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sentence structure
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vocabulary expansion
Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, especially synonyms for frequently used words, can help elevate your essay. You've demonstrated a good range of language, but there's still room to expand and vary your lexical choice.
cohesion
You've made a solid attempt at organizing your essay, but adding more explicit transition phrases could help improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. You have a good structure, yet clearer signposting can guide the reader more smoothly through your argument.
essay structure
Consider adding a brief conclusion to succinctly sum up your discussion. This will help strengthen your argument by clearly restating your main points and the significance of the discussion, providing a more rounded finish to your essay.
task achievement
You've done a commendable job at identifying clear causes and effects of the topic at hand, showing an understanding of the essay prompt.
specific examples
Your use of examples to support your points about causes and effects of obesity in children strengthens your argument and makes it more convincing.
logical flow
The logical flow from discussing causes to effects shows good planning and understanding of essay organization, which aids in the reader’s comprehension.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • rapidly
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • affordability
  • nutrition
  • physical activity
  • urbanization
  • genetic predisposition
  • psychological factors
  • type 2 diabetes
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • social issues
  • self-esteem
  • healthcare costs
  • productivity
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