Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

There is an opinion that
people
of different traditions and
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
can be brought together using
music
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
music
can play a significant role in creating bonds and bringing
people
closer because
everyone
enjoys a good composition.
Apart from
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
it is not required to have any kind of knowledge of
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
language or
culture
to cherish any
music
. A good
song
can cheer up anyone from a toddler to
60-year-old
Correct article usage
a 60-year-old
show examples
person.
Music
often calms
people
’s
mood
Fix the agreement mistake
moods
show examples
and often
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
them time to understand their emotions.
For example
, if there is
any
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
sad
song
, it will make any person numb irrespective of their
culture
and
age
because the
music
has the ability to provide serenity to anyone.
On the other hand
, if there is any cheerful
song
everyone
will dance on it. Today because of social media, the songs of different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
and countries are shared among
everyone
and it is often noticed that it is not compulsory to know about
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
culture
or language to enjoy
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
particular
music
.
For example
, one of the Spanish songs became so viral in the past and it was listened
worldwide
Change preposition
to worldwide
show examples
. It was listened
in
Change preposition
to in
show examples
countries like India, and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States of America where hardly any
people
knew the language but
then
also
it was praised by
everyone
there and
people
also
tried to understand the
song
afterwords
Correct your spelling
afterwards
show examples
.
Thus
, I believe that
music
is one of the best ways to bring
people
of different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
and
age
groups together since it is enjoyed by all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
groups equally and there is no cultural barrier in enjoying a good piece of
music
.
Submitted by b.tanvi1998 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Remember to vary your sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility and range in your writing. This can help to make your essay more engaging and can demonstrate your command of the language.
Task Achievement
Aim to include a wider variety of examples, especially those that are personal or unique, to further support your arguments and statements. This can add depth to your essay.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument, clearly stating your agreement with the statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have used a logical structure throughout your essay, making your arguments easy to follow.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing your agreement with the statement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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