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Band 5

The subjects that children are taught in schools are decided by central authorities. Some people say that teachers, not politicians should be responsible for this task. To what extent do you agree or disagree with?

#subjects #children #schools #authorities #people #teachers #politicians
Students
 study the
subjects
 in their curriculums which
are chose
Change the verb form
are chosen
show examples
 by the education system
while
 some people
supposed
Wrong verb form
suppose
show examples
 that
teachers
 should take
this
 task. Personally, I agree with
this
 idea.
Firstly
,
teachers
 know the abilities of
students
 in their class and they can easily decide what
subjects
 are suitable for each student.
This
 is because
teachers
 who teach
students
 almost every day in
week
Add an article
a week
show examples
 can know the character or the learning skills of each
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
.
Therefore
,
teachers
 can choose
subjects
such
 as mathematics and physics to develop
logic
Replace the word
logical
show examples
 thinking for
students
 or literature and history for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
exited
Wrong verb form
exit
show examples
with
Correct pronoun usage
with them
show examples
.
For instance
, in some developing countries
such
 as America or Australia,
students
 can learn the
subjects
 they like
such
 as mathematics or science and it can make the lessons more exciting.
Secondly
, the lectures can be more effective. If
students
 are forced to study
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
subjects
 that they do not like, they can easily get bored and that lesson cannot be effective. Despite learning all
subjects
 that can help
students
 develop comprehensive themselves, it can be effective for some
students
 that
too
Add a missing verb
are too
show examples
 good, not for all of them.
For instance
, in Vietnam, the
major
Correct your spelling
majority
show examples
 of
students
 always feel sleepy and bored when learning history which
is chose
Change the verb form
is chosen
show examples
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
curriculum
Correct article usage
the curriculum
show examples
 for
students
 by
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system,
students
 can spend their time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
favor
Replace the word
favourite
show examples
 subject
instead
. In conclusion,
although
students
 study
subjects
 which are decided by authorities can help them develop all skills, there are more benefits when
teachers
 take
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
 for choosing
subjects
 for
students
.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic with a structured approach, but could benefit from clearer connectivity between ideas to enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Including more detailed and varied examples can strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive insight into the subject.
general
Double-check for typographical errors and grammatical mistakes to maintain the clarity and professionalism of the essay.
introduction
The introduction smartly outlines the essay's stance, providing a good base for the argument.
examples
Your essay effectively demonstrates an awareness of the topic through relevant examples, although more variety and detail can improve it further.
conclusion
Good work on concluding your points well, reaffirming your stance and summarizing the key arguments effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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