Some people believe zoos are good places for people to learn about animals. Other people believe animals belong in nature and it is wrong to keep them in zoos. What do you think? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.
Zoos
are a great place
to enjoy and learn about our wildlife animals
. Correct word choice
and animals
However
, people still debate to this
day whether or not that
Correct word choice
apply
zoos
are a
Correct article usage
apply
place
that Fix the agreement mistake
places
kept
Wrong verb form
keep
animal
away from their Fix the agreement mistake
animals
life
, like Fix the agreement mistake
lives
a
Correct article usage
apply
prison
and to be honest they're not wrong.
First off, Fix the agreement mistake
prisons
zoos
are a place
that Fix the agreement mistake
places
kept
Wrong verb form
keep
animel
captivated in a small Correct your spelling
animal
animals
place
unable to manuover
freely.
Correct your spelling
manoeuvre
Additionally
, they are always getting watched which results in them maybe feeling uncomfortable or insecure. On another hand
they aren't living a sad life in my opinion. They will always get fed well. Add a comma
hand,
Next,
they don't usually live in the cage alone. In most zoos
, they would live with another of its species.
Secondly
, zoos
are a great place
for people to understand the wildlife resulting in them caring about this
wonderful, lush planet. It also
a Add a missing verb
is also
place
to better understand the animals itself
. And yes, they are Correct pronoun usage
themselves
also
for entertainment purposes but to be honest its
worth the price. As I said Replace the word
it's
it is
from
the Change preposition
in
last
paragraph they're getting fed, live with many or
Correct your spelling
of
its
kind (usually) and they don't have to worry about Replace the word
it's
it is
predetors
and territories. But I must admit some Correct your spelling
predators
zoos
are treating these beautiful animal
poorly but they're very uncommon.
Change the determiner
this beautiful animal
these beautiful animals
Finally
, in conclusion, zoos
have pros
than Correct quantifier usage
more pros
con
(in my opinion), it is a great Fix the agreement mistake
cons
place
to Fix the agreement mistake
places
further
understand, teach new young generations and to
entertain the people, and the animals get paid by not having to find food, find new territories, getting eating by Fix the infinitive
apply
predetors
.Correct your spelling
predators
Submitted by np.napatping on
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Language accuracy and variety
Your essay presents a balanced view, but be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'animel' instead of 'animal', and ensure you maintain consistency in your argument. Also, work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability.
Coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence by clearly organizing your arguments. Use paragraphs to separate different points and make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This will make your essay easier to follow.
Task response
To strengthen your task achievement, include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Language use
Watch out for repetitive phrases and words. Using synonyms and varied expressions can make your writing more engaging and demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
Content
You presented both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view, which is a good approach for this type of essay.
Engagement with topic
It's clear you have opinions and insights on the topic, showcasing your ability to engage with the material.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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