IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledgement or experience.

#people #attention #knowledgement
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In
this
Linking Words
 era where advertising is ubiquitous, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that advertising can be very successful in persuading
people
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in shopping
Change preposition
to shop
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, but others believe that advertising is
too
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so
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 universal that we don’t need to take notes of it.
Form
Correct your spelling
From
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 my perspective, there is some truth to both views.
On
Change preposition
At
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 one stage of the argument
was that
Verb problem
,
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 many
people
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think
Wrong verb form
thought
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 advertising
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 a highly successful marketing strategy for businesses, which stimulated
people
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’s desire to purchase. The main reason is that in the era of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, advertising can be placed anywhere and it is becoming increasingly easy for
people
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 to see the idea of wanting to buy something after the advertisement is placed.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
business
Change to a plural noun
businesses
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 make advertisements very obscure. Subtly encourage them to make purchases.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the opposite argument is that
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
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think
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thinks
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 advertising is already widespread so there is no need for deliberate attention. Advertising is now quite common and can be seen on almost all social networks.
For example
Linking Words
, many videos are interspersed with advertisements, which can be seen even without intentional attention. In my personal
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
, the increase in the number and breadth of advertisements can indeed persuade
people
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 to buy a lot of products.
And the
Correct word choice
The
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 advertisement provides a detailed introduction to the product allowing buyers to freely choose and promoting consumption. In summary, both views can be justified on merits. Advertising has always brought benefits to
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 convenient era, allowing citizens to choose freely.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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Writing Style
To enhance your essay, consider varying your sentence structures more to increase readability and engagement. Incorporating complex sentences can add depth to your arguments.
Specific Examples
While you have included some relevant examples, incorporating more specific instances or data to support your arguments could further strengthen your essay.
Perspective Consistency
Ensure uniformity in perspective throughout your essay. Switching between perspectives without clear transitions can confuse readers.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by presenting both viewpoints and your opinion, which establishes a clear structure for the essay.
Understanding of Topic
You've demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and presented clear comprehensive ideas that contribute to an effective argument.
Conclusion
The conclusion successfully wraps up the essay, summarizing the discussion and reiterating your stance, providing a cohesive end to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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