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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

International travel brings benefits to travellers and the countries visited, but it also harms for the environment. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

#travel #travellers #countries #environment
Due to
 the rapid growth of technology , the world has come a long way
therefore
 the lifestyle of people has changed a lot in the past few years. In the midst of change , travelling become very convenient and affordable. People nowadays save money to explore new places to gain knowledge and experiences . The society has been divided into two groups as per the distinct mindsets of different folks . There is a colossal number of folks who believe international
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 is beneficial for the country
as well as
 the country they
r
Correct your spelling
are
 visiting meanwhile
on
Add the comma(s)
, on
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 the contrary , some communities Accord that travelling places have
negetive
Correct your spelling
negative
 impact on
Correct article usage
the environmen
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environmen
Correct your spelling
environment
. There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion . I vehemently
Accord
Verb problem
Agree
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 with the notion that travelling is beneficial for the country's economy . In the succeeding monograph , I intend to delve into the rationale for both
of
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apply
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beliefs
as well as
 proffer examples to justify my notion.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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task achievement
To strengthen your essay, make sure to provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction that clearly states your opinion on whether the disadvantages of international travel outweigh the advantages. This will make your stance clearer to the reader from the beginning.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from the inclusion of specific examples and evidence to back up your claims. This not only makes your argument stronger but also helps the reader to understand your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
For improved coherence and cohesion, organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific point or idea. This includes having a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Transition words and phrases can also help link your ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Pay close attention to spelling and grammatical errors, such as the correct spelling of 'negative' and maintaining consistent tense. Small mistakes can distract from the quality of your argument.
task achievement
You've discussed both sides of the argument, which is excellent for providing a balanced view.
task achievement
You've correctly identified the topic and provided an opinion, which shows good task understanding.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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