Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Celebrities
today are known for their wealth
rather than their accomplishments, which sets a negative example. I completely agree with this
notion because youths
will be fascinated more towards money instead
of the important things needed for an individual to achieve success in life.
Youths
spend a lot of their time on social media and television. Some of them will be attracted towards the wealth
flaunted by a few celebrities
and their lifestyle. They will be fascinated to achieve the same kind of life as soon as possible, which can be unreal at such
an early age because it takes years to amass that much amount of wealth
. For instance
, Elon Musk became a billionaire in his late thirties, however
, most youths
get inspired by his luxurious lifestyle and want to achieve a similar kind of life in their twenties.
A lot of youths
ignore the accomplishments achieved by famous people through their hard work and determination. Young people try to focus on fame and wealth
instead
of the perseverance shown by a few individuals in achieving goals that made them famous throughout the years. Moreover
, youths
lack the character building that is
required to achieve those levels of greatness. If they had not focussed on their wealth
, they would have built a character that is
good enough to achieve their goals.
In conclusion, celebrities
become famous for their lavish lifestyle, I agree that this
creates a wrong direction for youths
as they overlook the goals achieved by these celebrities
and their sacrifice, which helps in character building.Submitted by anmols23oct on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Sentence Structure
Keep practicing adding a bit more variety in your sentence structures to enhance readability and make your essay even more engaging.
Supporting Arguments
Consider incorporating more specific examples and case studies to strongly support your arguments, as this can add depth to your discussion.
Linking Words
Try to use transitional phrases and conjunctions to link your ideas more smoothly, ensuring a seamless flow of thoughts throughout your essay.
Argument Balance
Balancing both sides of the argument before concluding can sometimes add more depth to your essays, though it's not always necessary depending on the prompt.
Thesis Statement
You presented a clear thesis statement and reiterated your stance in the conclusion, which strengthens the coherence of your essay.
Topic Focus
Your essay maintained a clear focus on the topic, effectively discussing the impact of celebrities' focus on wealth and glamour over achievements.
Use of Examples
The use of an example like Elon Musk is effective in illustrating your point, though integrating a wider range of examples could enhance your argument.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!