IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people like to own the place where they live, but other people like to rent where they live. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #place #rent
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Nowadays, there is an ongoing debate about whether it is better to own or rent the place where
people
Use synonyms
 live.
While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that owning a home can be beneficial in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 term, others including me, think that renting offers more flexibility and less financial commitment.
On the other hand
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, those who advocate for owning a home think that it can provide a sense of stability and security, as
people
Use synonyms
 can have a place to call their own and it allows them to make changes and improvements.
As a result
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,
people
Use synonyms
 can redecorate their
houses
Use synonyms
 depending on their own ideas.
Moreover
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, homeownership is often seen as a long-term investment.
For example
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, the prices of
houses
Use synonyms
 increase significantly and by buying their own
houses
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 can save their money and
this
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 can lead to improvements
on
Change preposition
in
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financial
Add an article
the financial
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 well-being of
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, I would side with those who think renting is
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 beneficial option compared to owning a house.
Firstly
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, it offers a level of flexibility and freedom.
For instance
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, renters have the ability to move to different locations without the financial burden of selling their homes.
Furthermore
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, renting may be a more cost-effective option in the short term.
For example
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, if
people
Use synonyms
 travel to another country because of their jobs or other short-term reasons it can be better to rent a house than to buy, as renters will not be responsible for many of the extra expenses related to homeownership.
To sum up
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,
whereas
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 having personal
houses
Use synonyms
 offers many advantages
such
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 as
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 free for redecorating and it can be beneficial for financial sustainability, I think renting provides more opportunities including flexibility and being cost-effective in the short-term.
Submitted by Name_1234 on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view when discussing both sides of the argument. While your essay does introduce both perspectives, ensuring that each view is explored thoroughly can strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking phrases and transitions to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help to make your essay even more cohesive.
Structure
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively framed your essay.
Argument Support
You articulated your opinion clearly and provided relevant examples to support your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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