IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people think that countries have a moral obligation to help each other, while other argue that the aid money is misspent by governments that recieve it, so the international aid should not be given to the poor countries in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #countries #obligation #aid #money #governments #recieve #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Do rich
countries
 have the duty to help the less strong economies? In
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
 day, many people argue that the aid
money
 is misspent. I agree that the budget sent does often not
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the use it is supposed to. But should we really not give any contribution to the ones in need? First and foremost,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
countries
 are often
printed
Verb problem
corrupted
show examples
 by corruption.
For example
, in North Korea there are a lot of
residences
Replace the word
residents
show examples
who's
Correct your spelling
whose
show examples
financially
Change the adverb
financial
show examples
 situation has collapsed.
For instance
, the people in the country are starving. But
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
giving
money
 to the government would not help them. The resources that North Korea would receive would
instead
 go to the people in charge of the country.
However
, there are other things that can be done.
On the other hand
,
money
 may not be the solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the problem here. As earlier mentioned
money
 is often misspent by the government. The richer
countries
 can support by exporting other forms of needs,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
 food.
To transport
Change preposition
By transporting
show examples
 boxes with food directly to the ones starving, we can make a big difference.
Then
 the government would not have the opportunity to misuse our help.
To conclude
, it is important that
countries
who's
Correct your spelling
whose
show examples
financially
Change the adverb
financial
show examples
 situation is stable help the poor ones. But the most optimal way to do
this
 is not by offering
money
, since it is often misspent.
Instead
Add a comma
Instead,
show examples
 they can support the residences in other ways. By sending food, clothes and other
necessaries
Replace the word
necessities
show examples
 we can make
difference
Correct article usage
a difference
show examples
. In
this
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 it is
garantied
Correct your spelling
guaranteed
 that the help is used as it is supposed to.
Submitted by clara.m.schafer on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar
Be mindful of tense consistency and subject-verb agreement to enhance clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to strengthen the logical flow between ideas.
Task Achievement
Expand on specific examples to fully support your arguments and improve task achievement.
Grammar and Vocabulary
Continue to practice paraphrasing and utilizing synonyms to avoid repetition and showcase a wider vocabulary range.
Structure
You've done well in structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Response
You've addressed the task question directly and developed your arguments in a logical manner.
Use of Examples
The use of examples, although they can be further detailed, helps illustrate your points.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: