IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, people who commit less serious crimes are made to undertake community service* instead of a prison sentence. Some people believe that all people who have committed a crime should be sent to prison. Do you agree or disagree?

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In a few nations, the individual who
commit
Correct subject-verb agreement
commits
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 less serious crimes, like stealing or breaking any law, is made to undertake
community
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 service
instead
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 of
jail
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.
While
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 others think that all individuals who have committed a
crime
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 might be sent to
jail
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. I am completely convinced with the first view because if a person steals something, it is a
crime
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 but he can not be counted in the category of criminal,
however
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, to kill someone, or plan/do a big robbery is a big
crime
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. The people who agreed with the fact that a person who has committed a
crime
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 should be sent to
jail
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 is not worth it.
In other words
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, not every
crime
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 is counted as a
crime
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,
for instance
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, if a person steals something, he commit a
crime
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 but he should not be sentenced to prison because stealing is a small
crime
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 compared with robbery or killing someone. The environment of prison is not good for the people who committed a small
crime
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,
this
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 can lead to encourage them to commit blunder. They should have been given a chance to improve themselves by doing some
community
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 service work
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so that they will not repeat that again. Moving towards another notion, the
criminals
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 who commit a big
crime
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,
such
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 as murder, or robbery, should be sentenced to prison because these
criminals
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 are a threat to society. Their mentality is different from normal human beings. The chance to work in
community
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 service could not help them to change their mentality.
Therefore
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, the actual
criminals
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 deserve to stay away from our
community
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. In conclusion, people who commit small crimes should be given a chance for improvement rather than to
jail
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 sentence. I am completely convinced by
this
Linking Words
 idea because
criminals
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 who commit big crimes are more likely to be sent to
jail
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.

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Introduction and Clarity
Make sure to clearly define key terms and concepts in your introduction to set a strong foundation for your argument.
Example and Detail
Try to incorporate a broader range of examples to support your main points. This will help strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Transition and Structure
Ensure transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical. Using transitional words or phrases will help improve the flow of your essay.
Clear Stance
You provided a clear stance on the topic, which is essential for a strong task response.
Structure
The structure of your essay made it easy to follow your argument.
Organization
You effectively used paragraphs to separate different ideas, which adds to the clarity and organization of your essay.
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