A number of tertiary courses require students to undertake a period of unpaid work at art institution or organization as part of their programme. What are the advantages and disadvantages .

In the modern era, many higher schools exercise having unpaid
work
at
companies
as
proportion
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a proportion
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of their course has many demerits. Some schools have had mixed results after unpaid internship programmes, so
it is clear that
people
may have diverse ideas about
this
issue. Weighing up both sides, I think that there are more upsides that working at
companies
as studentstudents brings about. There are surely a few demerits
having
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of having
show examples
an internship programme that affect their lives.
Firstly
, the most remarkable one is that if they are situated socially disadvantaged class, they have part-time
jobs
while
they are studying.
For example
, in the case of Korea, many students have part-time
jobs
to pay their school tuition fees
,
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apply
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and living charges.
Secondly
, another reasonable one is that some
people
do not participate well in their
jobs
.
In contrast
, there are
also
diverse advantages
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
phenomenon. First and foremost, the biggest merit is that when they find their
jobs
, they can get
jobs
more easily than other
people
who don't have any
work
experience. Most
companies
prefer to hire
people
who have
work
experience because they already know how to manage the
companies
and
how2
Correct your spelling
how
to deal the problems. To sum it up,
it is clear that
there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
many advantages to
further
school student's
work
of not receiving their salaries;
in contrast
, there are
also
significant disadvantages because it is apparent that students pursue only
work
experience , not their income needs to consider many factors before it decides whether
this
phenomenon would have a positive effect on society and individuals.
Thus
, I strongly believe that there are more benefits than drawbacks.
Submitted by wowoo04066 on

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Include more specific examples and details to support your arguments. This helps to clarify your points and makes your essay more persuasive.
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Work on developing a clearer structure within your paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and the sentences should be logically connected to support that idea.
Task Achievement
Make sure to address both the advantages and disadvantages more evenly. This will help in providing a more balanced view and fully responding to the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of ideas or phrases. Instead, focus on expanding your points with new information or perspectives.
Task Achievement
You have clearly taken a stance in the conclusion, providing a final evaluation of the topic.
Task Achievement
Your essay introduces both advantages and disadvantages, showing an effort to cover the task requirement.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, even though they could be further detailed, helps to illustrate your points.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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