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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same period.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same period.
#numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #show #surveys #visit #period
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The table and the pie chart compare the
number
Use synonyms
tourists
Change preposition
of tourists
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went
Correct pronoun usage
who went
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 to Ashdown
Museum
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 and the amount of their satisfaction before and after some renovations.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
museum
Use synonyms
 had become more popular after the repairments. Meanwhile, the
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
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had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased the amount of satisfaction among
people
Use synonyms
 as well.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the year before the renovations, about 74000
people
Use synonyms
 visited the
museum
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
number
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 increased after the
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
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 by about 20000
people
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. Before the repairements, about 15 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of visitors were very content with the
sevice
Correct your spelling
service
 of
Use synonyms
museum
Add an article
the museum
a museum
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, just half of the
number
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 of
people
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 who were satisfied. But the year after, the
number
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 of very satisfied
people
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 experienced a rise to 35 per
cent
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 but couldn't
overtook
Change the verb form
overtake
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th
Correct your spelling
the
 percentage of satisfied ones by 40. The
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of dissatisfied individuals saw a sharp decline from 40 to 15 per
cent
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. Just like that, there was an erosion in
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of very dissatisfied fellas from 10 to 5 per
cent
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. Simultaneously, in both years, about 5 per
cent
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 of fellows decided not to express their opinions about the
museum
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, as much as very dissatisfied guys in the year after refurbishments.
Submitted by yasinisback8 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, museum, people, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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