Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, Selfishness and greed have become the societal norm. Undeniably, modernization has tremendously affected
people
’s lifestyles in our contemporary world
. A number of people
believe that our traditional values such
as respect for the family and the local community help us to build a better world
. However
, I firmly believe on
Change preposition
in
this
statement.
Today we live in an era of Technology in which the whole earth has shrunk and become a global village. Everybody is connected to everybody through telephone lines and the internet but the warmth of relationships has taken a back seat. Most people
have more than enough wealth, comfort and freedom but their hearts
Desire even more. Change to a genitive case
heart's
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
people
think that older people
are good for nothing and that is
why they do not respect them. Moreover
, Counting money is
Verb problem
has
became
Wrong verb form
become
first
priority of most Add an article
the first
of
Change preposition
apply
the
modern Correct article usage
apply
people
than
spending time with their family. Rephrase
rather than
For instance
, in many family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
children
cannot
able to meet their Verb problem
do not
father
on
Change preposition
for
whole
week except on holiday. When Add an article
the whole
children
wake up Correct article usage
the children
father
already
Add a missing verb
has already
leaved
for Correct your spelling
left
job
and when Correct pronoun usage
his job
father
Correct article usage
the father
returned
home at night Wrong verb form
returns
children
already go
Wrong verb form
gone
for
sleep. Change preposition
to
This
should be critical
problem because it may Add an article
a critical
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
growth
of Add an article
the growth
children
. Father
returned home at night children
already go
Wrong verb form
gone
for
sleep. Change preposition
to
This
should be critical
problem because it may Add an article
a critical
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
growth
of Add an article
the growth
children
.
In contrast
, Life in the past was too simple. People
respected each other and helped each other when needed. People
spent
time with their family every day by sitting together or by eating together. In the Wrong verb form
spend
past
they were habituated Add a comma
past,
of
sitting with their community and Change preposition
to
discussed
any problem if any. There were very less Wrong verb form
discussing
divorce
than now because they believed in each other and loved truly. If modern Fix the agreement mistake
divorces
people
respect each other, spend quality time with family and build a
good Correct article usage
apply
relation
with our local Replace the word
relationships
people
then
the result will be on positive
side.
Add an article
the positive
To conclude
, living in this
modern toxic world
, we are all slowly being poisoned to death. Therefore
, it is clear that
the traditional value based
society is a better Add a hyphen
value-based
world
to live.
Change preposition
in.
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Clarity & Impact
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Sentence Variety
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Argument Depth
Consider refining your argument by further elaborating on how traditional values directly contribute to solving the issues associated with modern selfishness and greed.
Grammar
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Introduction
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Relevance of Examples
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