Nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons? And what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things?

#children #television #time #measures

present

Correct article usage

the present

show examples

day

children

spends

Change the verb form

spend

show examples

more time watching television rather

then

Replace the word

than

show examples

d. Nowadays they spend their time in front of a screen doing active and creative things. In the past First and foremost, the main reason for

this

is the digitalization wave that has affected our society. During these

last

years

Add a comma

years,

show examples

we have started to do everything on our computers. For

instans

Correct your spelling

instance

, we chat with our friends online, have

work-meetings

Correct your spelling

work meetings

show examples

zoom

Capitalize word

Zoom

show examples

, read the news on our

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

and kids even play online. The games and

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

on the smartphone

attracts

Change the verb form

attract

show examples

the

childrens

Change to a genitive case

children's

show examples

attention, even more

then

Replace the word

than

show examples

going out playing does. But is

this

really the optimal

ways

Fix the agreement mistake

way

show examples

to entertain our

children

? We should encourage our

children

to be more active and creative. Studies

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

shown that the effects of a lifestyle in front of a screen leads to a road of

deseases

Correct your spelling

diseases

such

as,

over weight

Correct your spelling

overweight

show examples

, heart

probelms

Correct your spelling

problems

and much more. If we activate our

children

more, the risk of these

sickdoms

Correct your spelling

sick dogs

would decrease

significant

Change the adjective

significantly

show examples

. As a

parent

Add a comma

parent,

show examples

you can easily encourage movement and creativity by signing them up in "clubs". For

instans

Correct your spelling

instance

, a

soccer-club

Correct your spelling

soccer club

show examples

Correct article usage

a dancing-club

show examples

dancing-club

Correct your spelling

dancing club

show examples

or maybe a

painting-club

Correct your spelling

painting club

show examples

. The effects of

this

would be that the

children

get new

hobbys

Correct your spelling

hobbies

. They will

also

sociolize

Correct your spelling

socialize

socialise

more than they would

infront

Correct your spelling

in front

of a computer. To summarize,

due to

the digitalization wave that has affected our

socitiy

Correct your spelling

society

children

spend more time watching television

then

Replace the word

than

show examples

playing.

This

has a lot of bad effects on their health. But as a parent

that is

much to do for the benefit of your

childrens

Correct your spelling

children's

well being. By making them join,

for example

, a

sportsclub

Correct your spelling

sports club

, you activate them. The followings of

this

will not only be good for their health

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

for their creative side. It is important to encourage them to be active,

insead

Correct your spelling

instead

of watching television.

Submitted by clara.m.schafer on Thu Apr 18 2024

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Sentence Structure

Try to provide a wider range of sentence structures to enhance complexity and flow.

Grammar and Spelling

Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'children spends' should be 'children spend', 'sickdoms' should be 'diseases') to improve clarity and accuracy.

Examples and Support

Enhance your essay by adding more specific examples and data to support your arguments, which will make your response more comprehensive.

Cohesion

Ensure cohesive devices are used effectively throughout the essay. Transition words could be more varied to create a smoother flow between ideas.

Essay Structure

Consider revisiting how you structure the introduction and conclusion to ensure they effectively frame your essay and summarize key points.

Task Response

You addressed the task directly and presented a clear opinion on the issue.

Vocabulary Usage

Good effort in using a variety of vocabulary to express your ideas.

Content Relevancy

Your essay introduces relevant points of discussion regarding children's lifestyle changes due to digitalization.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

305 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons? And what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Discuss both views: some people believe family influences the children’ development; however, some argue that other influences (movie, music, friends…) more affect children.

Some people think that the universities must only accept student with high mark, while others believe that universities must accept students of all ages regardless of their previous grades. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extend do you agree or disgree?

Some people say that environmental pollution because of country development cannot be avoided.

Some people believe that exploring outer space is important because it expands human knowledge and might lead to discoveries that will benefit humanity in the future. Other people believe that space exploration is a waste of money that could be better spent solving immediate problems here on Earth.