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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one universitydid after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows thesalaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one universitydid after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows thesalaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.
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The pie chart provides information about the destinations of Anthropology
graduates
Use synonyms
 from a particular university,
while
Linking Words
 the table illustrates how much money the anthropologists earn in
work
Use synonyms
 after 5 years of experience.
Overall
Linking Words
 , what stands out from the charts is that the largest proportion of Anthropology
graduates
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 as a full-time employer .
Moreover
Linking Words
,the biggest percentage of
graduates
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 for governmental organizations have more income than others. Looking into detail, more than half of all
graduates
Use synonyms
 have full-time jobs,
while
Linking Words
 the share of part-time employers accounts for 15%.The figures for unemployed individuals and those who both
work
Use synonyms
 and continue their education are 12% and 5% ,respectively and there is no precise data on what 8% of
graduates
Use synonyms
 are doing.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the equal numbers of them deal with full-time post-graduate studies. When it comes to the income of
graduates
Use synonyms
, they are involved in three types of employment, namely, freelance Consultants ,government sector ,and private companies and 5% of freelance employers earn less than 50,000 dollars.Two-fifths of freelance consultants gain more than $100,000,
whereas
Linking Words
 30 % of private sector workers have an income of more than a hundred thousand dollars ,
whereas
Linking Words
 these numbers are 2 quarters for the state sector employers.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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