Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is being argued that professional workers including
doctors
and teachers
must receive higher payment as compared to athletes and entertainers
. This
essay, however
, strongly agrees with this
statement because professionals like doctors
and teachers
have limited chances to do more for extra money and sports and entertainment personalities have opportunities
to earn more payment by doing other activities.
On the one hand, professionals like doctors
and teachers
are regarded as important persons to society and they must engage in their main activities such
as giving treatment to patients and teaching students in educational institutions. That is
to say, they have limited but compulsory tasks in their schedule which are the first and foremost duties. Consequently
, they have no opportunities
to make extra money by conducting other jobs. For instance
, in many hospitals doctors
are extremely busy because huge numbers of patients come there for better treatment and the same scenario applies to teachers
as they are busy with teaching students, administrative and research activities.
On the other hand
, athletes and entertainers
have enough chances to get more pay even though they are provided with regular salaries. In other words
, sportsmen might get opportunities
to play with different clubs and entertainers
like musicians can be hired for concerts that allow them to earn a substantial amount of money. For example
, many footballers like Cristiano Ronaldo are hired by different football clubs and musicians such
as Katy Perry are contracted throughout the year for different cultural functions that help them to make more wages as opposed to other professionals.
In conclusion, I strongly support the statement that professional personalities such
as doctors
and teachers
should be provided more salary because they do not have opportunities
for extra payment and lots of chances to earn more for sportsmen and entertainers
.Submitted by mohammad39 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay strongly conveyed your opinion throughout, which is commendable. Try expanding on your examples to elaborate how they support your argument, which can make your response more comprehensive.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay is good, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance coherence, consider connecting your ideas more fluidly between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You have a clear stance throughout your essay, which is excellent for task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective at framing your essay's argument, contributing positively to the coherence and cohesion of your piece.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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