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Writing Samples
Band 6

There is a growing awareness among people today that life should be enjoyed in all possible ways while the traditionalists do not agree with this view. They think that there are much more to be done in life other than just enjoying. Discuss both the views and draw your own opinions.

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Nowadays, whether or not
life
Use synonyms
 should be enjoyed has become a common topic for debate these days. Whilst a group opines it is necessary for
people
Use synonyms
 to enjoy
life
Use synonyms
, others say tackling other facets of
life
Use synonyms
 should be paramount to
enjoyment
Use synonyms
. I agree with the former. On the one hand,
life
Use synonyms
 is short and the motivation to
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 to make money is to enjoy one's earnings. Working hard without enjoying the fruit of one's labour will ultimately lead to demotivated individuals who are constantly fatigued. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, a survey of workers from around the world on why
people
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 make time to enjoy revealed
people
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work
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 tirelessly to enable them
earn
Add the particle
to earn
show examples
 decent
monies
Correct your spelling
money
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 to make their lives comfortable.
The
Correct your spelling
They
show examples
 attested to the fact that without incorporating
enjoyment
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their routine, they get chronically exhausted and become less effective at
work
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, taking
enjoyment
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 from them will negatively impact their
work
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 which may lead to
people
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 being laid off
Use synonyms
work
Change preposition
from work
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, not prioritizing enjoying
life
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 will generate boredom.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, 24 hours is all every living being has each day. It is wise for
people
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 to invest more of their time doing profitable activities than having a mind filled with the desire to enjoy
life
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 all the time.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is common knowledge that a lot of relaxation activities do not come for free, they are paid for.
Therefore
Linking Words
 if
people
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 only focus on enjoying every bit of
life
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, they will waste money on unnecessary things
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 spending judiciously. In conclusion, I am totally for the need to make
enjoyment
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 prime in
people
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's lives so as not to brood boredom and even constantly tired persons who may end up losing their sources of income because of reduced input at
work
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion on both views before presenting your opinion. While you've supported your view well, more development of the opposing argument could strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a wider range of linking phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will further improve coherence.
Task Achievement
Consider using examples that are more detailed and specific to illustrate your points. This adds depth to your argument and makes it more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points are supported by examples and explanations, which make your argument more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance on the topic, demonstrating good task achievement.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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