There is a growing awareness among people today that life should be enjoyed in all possible ways while the traditionalists do not agree with this view. They think that there are much more to be done in life other than just enjoying. Discuss both the views and draw your own opinions.
Nowadays, whether or not
life
should be enjoyed has become a common topic for debate these days. Whilst a group opines it is necessary for people
to enjoy life
, others say tackling other facets of life
should be paramount to enjoyment
. I agree with the former.
On the one hand, life
is short and the motivation to working
to make money is to enjoy one's earnings. Working hard without enjoying the fruit of one's labour will ultimately lead to demotivated individuals who are constantly fatigued. To illustrate Wrong verb form
work
this
, a survey of workers from around the world on why people
make time to enjoy revealed people
work
tirelessly to enable them earn
decent Add the particle
to earn
monies
to make their lives comfortable. Correct your spelling
money
The
attested to the fact that without incorporating Correct your spelling
They
enjoyment
in
their routine, they get chronically exhausted and become less effective at Change preposition
into
work
. Hence
, taking enjoyment
from them will negatively impact their work
which may lead to people
being laid off work
. Change preposition
from work
Besides
this
, not prioritizing enjoying life
will generate boredom.
On the other hand
, 24 hours is all every living being has each day. It is wise for people
to invest more of their time doing profitable activities than having a mind filled with the desire to enjoy life
all the time. For instance
, it is common knowledge that a lot of relaxation activities do not come for free, they are paid for. Therefore
if people
only focus on enjoying every bit of life
, they will waste money on unnecessary things than
spending judiciously.
In conclusion, I am totally for the need to make Rephrase
rather than
enjoyment
prime in people
's lives so as not to brood boredom and even constantly tired persons who may end up losing their sources of income because of reduced input at work
.Submitted by nmaureen03 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion on both views before presenting your opinion. While you've supported your view well, more development of the opposing argument could strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a wider range of linking phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will further improve coherence.
Task Achievement
Consider using examples that are more detailed and specific to illustrate your points. This adds depth to your argument and makes it more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points are supported by examples and explanations, which make your argument more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance on the topic, demonstrating good task achievement.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite