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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people choose to work or live abroad because of the higher standards of living they can find outside their home country. Do you think this brings more advantages or disadvantages to the people who follow this path?

#people #work #standards #home #country #path
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In recent decades witnessed an increase in the proportion of foreign settlement,
raisingmanyquestionsofsafetyandintegration
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questions
.
Althoughtheideasofpotential
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Although the ideas of potential
 drawbacks appear to be reasonable, I think living abroad will pay dividends. On the one hand, there is a myriad of benefits when it comes to living abroad.
First,
Residing in another nation is conducive to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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liberty from the rigid laws and social norms.
For example
, Homosexual individuals in Russia have a propensity to move to other European countries because Homosexual intercourse means capital punishment.
Second,
the
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Foreign residence is invariably associated with higher opportunities
of experiencing
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to experience
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 a more progressive and standardized learning environment.
This
 means would act as an incentive for their acquisition of academic and empirical knowledge, promoting their career prospects with better social status.
On the other hand
, there are some potential problems pertaining to working or living in a foreign environment.
First,
Individuals moving abroad themselves could be highly sensitive to homesickness and nostalgia.
This
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These
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 psychological disorders would discourage their desire for integration, increasing the likelihood of isolation from the locals outside.
In addition
, the foreign settlement could culminate in the issues of cultural clash
due to
 religious beliefs.
For example
, Some Islamic refugees are susceptible to racial discrimination and even physical battery
due to
 the prejudice that Islamism is the cause of terrorism. In conclusion, despite the ideas of safety and assimilation difficulties,
the
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foreign residence would offer a better living standard in terms of liberty and education prospects.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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structure
Make sure to provide a clear thesis statement to guide the reader on what to expect in your essay.
style
Work on varying your sentence structure to improve readability and make your essay more engaging.
content
Consider introducing examples more seamlessly into your argument to strengthen your points.
sensitivity
Be cautious with generalizations and strive to present a balanced view, especially when discussing sensitive topics.
balance
You've provided a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of living abroad.
examples
Good use of specific examples to support your arguments, enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay.
depth
You've managed to cover a broad perspective of the topic, offering insights into social, educational, and personal aspects.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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