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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts show the sale of five different kinds of jam from 2009 to 2014.

The charts show the sale of five different kinds of jam from 2009 to 2014.
#show #sale #five #kinds #jam
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The graph illustrates
Use synonyms
jam's
Change noun form
jam
show examples
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 for each of
five
Correct article usage
the five
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 categories in the
period
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 from 2009 to 2024. Those categories
was
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were
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 namely
Strawberry
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, Raspberry, Grape, Cherry, and Plum.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
sale
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 of all jams, except Plum, witnessed an upward trend during that
period
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. The
Strawberry
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Jam
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consistenly
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consistently
 ranked the highest,
eventhough
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even though
 in 2012, it was once surpassed by Raspberry
Jam
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, with the difference widening the following year. The
sale
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 of
strawberry
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jam
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, in 2009, started at just above 3, followed by a slight
increase
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 in 2010 and a significant
increase
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 in 2011 at around 3.5 and above 4.5, respectively.
Then
Linking Words
 it climbed sharply between
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period
Correct article usage
the period
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 2012 and 2014.
Regardings Raspberry
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Regarding raspberry
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, Its sales began at nearly 3, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 surpassed those of
strawberry
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jam
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Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 after climbing sharply in 2012,
then
Linking Words
 it was back to a small
increase
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, leaving the
strawberry
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took
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to take
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 the lead again. Between
those
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that period
those periods
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period
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, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
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 cherry
jam
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 sales witnessed a small
increase
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, with some fluctuations.
However
Linking Words
, it
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
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 steadily with little variation in the next following years after reaching a low point of less than 2 in 2011 and a high point of more than 3 in 2012. The Grape's figure witnessed a gradual rise throughout those given
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period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
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, reaching a peak of roughly 5 in 2014.
By contrast
Linking Words
, at the same time, the plum's figure was the only one to gradually decline, reaching a low point of 0 in 2014.
Submitted by msdedew10 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words jam, sale, period, strawberry, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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