IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most countries spend lots of money on education as they start to recognise its importance. In your opinion which two following subjects are the most important for your people and which one is the least important?

Nowadays plenty of governments tend to invest in educational
system
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systems
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 in comparison to the past, when the vitality of cleverness was underestimated. From my point of view, there are
few
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a few
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the
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of the
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 most valuable subjects,
while
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 other classes are less critical, and
this
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 will be discussed in the essay. First of all, the importance of any topic could be evaluated using specific criteria and time quantities, that should be spent on learning. In my opinion, schools wish to bite off more than they can chew in terms of compiling annual school
program
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programs
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.
For instance
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, a friend of mine used to have 3 hours of physical education per week,
while
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 she was not even attending
sports
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a sports
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 educational facility. I consider that
this
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 might be quite useless for a teenager to spend so much time
on
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apply
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playing football or jogging at a time when she should have learnt more maths in order to prepare for the final exams.
On the contrary
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, the vast majority of subjects which are taught at school or university are necessary.
For example
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, a group of
researches
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researchers
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 studied how learning different subjects at school
affect
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affects
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children
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children's
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 brains. In the end, the results clearly showed that maths improves logical thinking,
whereas
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 literature develops the ability to analyse written content.
To sum up
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, I believe that there are two
the
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of the
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 most crucial classes, maths and literature, which kids must pay attention to. They enhance necessary skills,
while
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 others might argue that physical education is
also
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 important.
However
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, I consider that if a person does not attend
sport
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sports
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 electives, they are free to choose whether to go to sports
class
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classes
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 or not.

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Task Response
Focus on directly addressing the essay question by clearly stating which two subjects are most important and which one is least important at the beginning of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs, including an introduction, body paragraphs for each point, and a conclusion. Make sure each paragraph deals with a single idea to enhance clarity and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Back up your points with more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Understanding
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument on the importance of specific subjects in education.
Use of Examples
Your use of an anecdotal example is a good attempt to support your argument. Including more specific examples like this can greatly enhance the effectiveness of your argument.
Use of Language
You effectively used a range of vocabulary to express your ideas, which enriches the quality of your writing.
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