Several people assert that the main cause of crime is an economically disadvantaged background. However, others say that crime is caused by a person's nature. Discuss both ideas and give your opinion.
Some argue that the most affected reason why
people
become criminals is due to
their poverty
at a young age, while
others contend that crime
happens just because of human’s inherent nature, regardless of wealth. In this
essay, I will explore both perspectives but I believe that the former view is more persuasive.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why some people
believe human nature is the biggest factors
when it comes to Fix the agreement mistake
factor
crime
. First of all, personality is automatically decided as soon as they born
. Add a missing verb
are born
In other words
, poverty
does not matter when the personality is formed. For example
, there are a lot of murderers who are so-called “psycopaths
”. They usually just enjoyed murder and even felt pleasant, which showed that Correct your spelling
psychopaths
psychopath
poverty
has nothing to do with crime
. Moreover
, there are many successful people
worldwide who overcome their poor backgrounds. Even though they were really poor, they went to great lengths to get over it to succeed. Therefore
, background
is just an excuse Add an article
the background
Change preposition
for
in
explaining Change preposition
for
Correct article usage
the reasons
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
Change preposition
for
of
Change preposition
for
crime
.
Nevertheless
, I think that poverty
is the staple reason why people
become criminals. Firstly
, poverty
prevents people
from developing their moral values when they were
at a young age. Compared to Wrong verb form
are
children
who do not have to worry about their economic situation, poor children
do not have any space solely to focus on their lives, leading to the deficient establishment of their values. In addition
, children
who are poor are more likely to face negative happenings because of their financial situation. For instance
, many studies have already shown that when they researched the criminals’ backgrounds, many of them were poor when they were young.
In conclusion, I firmly believe it is easy for people
to become criminals when they were
extremely poor when they were young. Wrong verb form
are
Therefore
, governments and authorities worldwide should provide adequate welfare especially
to poor Add the comma(s)
, especially
children
and it will eventually contribute to the reduction of crime
rates.Submitted by dmdql2708 on
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Clarity of Argument
Ensure all your examples and explanations clearly support your argument without contradiction. It's essential that examples like 'psychopaths' are carefully connected to your main point without inadvertently supporting the counter-argument.
Linguistic Range
Consider diversifying your sentence structures and incorporating a range of connectives to enhance the flow and cohesion of your essay. While you've made a solid effort, expanding your use of linguistic resources can make your argument more dynamic.
Supporting Evidence
Elaborate more on how poverty specifically impacts an individual's propensity towards crime, with more detailed examples or studies that highlight this connection. This will strengthen your argument by providing concrete evidence.
Essay Structure
Your essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before stating your opinion, which is good practice in this type of essay. This structure helps maintain reader engagement and clarity of argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoints and suggests a proactive measure (enhanced welfare), directly addressing the problem discussed. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the issue and task at hand.