Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors to take part in major competitions such as Olympic Games or football World Cup. Some people say that it would be better to spend this money encouraging children to take up sports from a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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According to
some, investing a good amount of money to motivate
children
for taking
Change preposition
to take
show examples
part in sports from a very early age would be a better option
then
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than
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spending heaps of money preparing competitors for international games.
Although
,
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apply
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these competitions are of great importance, I firmly believe that providing better opportunities from
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
very start to all the
children
equally would be a better option. An outstanding example of
this
is public parks in every
subburb
Correct your spelling
suburb
so that everyone has easy access to them,
this
will promote a good lifestyle and make people healthy and active so they will be able to participate in different sports,
moreover
, in
schools
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schools,
show examples
they should be encouraged to take part in various
actvities
Correct your spelling
activities
according to
their interest and government should provide scholarships to students who are
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
in different sports and want to make it a profession.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
should invest in making basketball, football and cricket
ground
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grounds
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free of cost to attract
children
and so that they can express their interest in these fields too.
Furthermore
,
games competition
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game competitions
show examples
should be held at
national
Add an article
the national
a national
show examples
level and
children
should be motivated to take part in these events with full zeal and zest.
This
all will help in emerging hidden talents as we have
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
of examples
is
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in
show examples
history where many people were unaware of innate talent and as they
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
a chance they
exceled
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excelled
and now
there
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their
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names are written in golden worlds in history
such
as Ronaldo a football player.
To conclude
,
instead
of spending heavy
amouts
Correct your spelling
amounts
amount
on just
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
people government should provide opportunities so that everyone can
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefit from them.
Submitted by sananayyab91 on

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Introduction Enhancement
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Paragraph Development
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Sentence Structure Variation
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Coherence Enhancement
Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Effective Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing your stance on the topic.
Balanced Argument
Your essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging the importance of both supporting young athletes and investing in elite competitions.
Relevant Examples
You've provided relevant examples to support your argument, enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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