Some people think that a country’s progress is completely dependent on its economic success, while others believe that other factors are also important. What are the different factors contributing to the progress of a country? Do you believe that only one factor is important compared to others?
It has been argued by some individuals that the development of countries
is solely relied
on financial Change to the active voice
solely relies
has solely relied
success
. I think,
other Remove the comma
apply
factors
such
as education
and health can contribute. Moreover
, those factors
also
have an equal degree of significance as another factor.
I think the first factor that contributes to the country
’s development is education
. With a prosperous education
system, a country
can be assured to have
human resources who are likely to generate ideas or produce innovations that can be used to make Change preposition
of having
a
progressive Correct article usage
apply
growth
in the country
. Take, for example
, Singapore. Apart from being renowned as the richest country
in South East Asia, the country
is also
popularly known with
its top-tier Change preposition
for
education
system. As a result
, it creates high-qualified
Singaporean graduates who dominate the workforce, Correct your spelling
highly qualified
such
as doctors or businessmen, who become an integral part of Singaporean communities to improve the country
’s growth
in every sector.
Furthermore
, the second factor that is
also
important is health. It is crucial because without
Add the comma(s)
, without
the
healthy citizens, a Correct article usage
apply
country
will not successfully culminate to achieve certain targets. Consider a wealth
Replace the word
wealthy
country
who have
almost 80% of its population Verb problem
where
suffer
from illness. That Correct subject-verb agreement
suffers
country
will likely to
face recession because its Fix the infinitive
apply
population
unable to work Add a verb
population is
population was
for making
money that contributes to the nation’s income.
Observing other Change preposition
to make
factors
can also
influence the country
’s growth
, I firmly believe that they are as equal as financial success
. In fact, those factors
are related in a symbiotic way toward each other. To illustrate, it can be said that without a healthy and smart population, a country
will
not likely to have a prominent human labour to work for making earns that can increase the value of Verb problem
is
growth
domestic products. That condition is Replace the word
growing
also
vice versa because it is unlikely for a country
that do
not have Change the verb form
does
a
good economic Correct article usage
apply
success
can build infrastructures such
as hospitals and schools to improve the life quality of its citizens
To conclude
, other than economic success
, I think the prosperity in education
as well as
health also
influence
the Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
country
’s growth
because those sectors can provide a high-qualified
and healthy resources in the workforce which can help the Correct your spelling
qualified
country
to improve its every sector. Furthermore
, I also
think that the existence of those factors
are as
equal Verb problem
is
as
financial Change preposition
to
success
in determining the country
’s development, as they have a symbiotic relationship that influence
each other.Change the verb form
influences
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Coherence & Cohesion
Continue to develop your arguments with clear examples and explanations to enhance coherence. Your essay shows good structure, but further elaboration can make your points even stronger.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay and make your arguments more compelling.
Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are comprehensive and reflect the main points of your essay. You've done a good job, but there's always room to refine and make your stance clearer.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding on how different factors interact with economic growth, providing specific examples to support your claims. This will showcase a deeper understanding and analysis of the topic.
Introduction
The essay effectively introduces a stance that recognizes the importance of multiple factors in a country's progress.
Structure
You demonstrated a good ability to structure your essay, with clear paragraphs dedicated to different factors.
Examples
Use of a specific example, such as Singapore, helps illustrate your point about the importance of education.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.