Some people think that a country’s progress is completely dependent on its economic success, while others believe that other factors are also important. What are the different factors contributing to the progress of a country? Do you believe that only one factor is important compared to others?

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It has been argued by some individuals that the development of countries
is solely relied
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solely relies
has solely relied
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on financial
success
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. I think
,
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apply
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other
factors
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such
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as
education
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and health can contribute.
Moreover
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, those
factors
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also
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have an equal degree of significance as another factor. I think the first factor that contributes to the
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country
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’s development is
education
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. With a prosperous
education
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system, a
country
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can be assured
to have
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of having
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human resources who are likely to generate ideas or produce innovations that can be used to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
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progressive
growth
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in the
country
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. Take,
for example
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, Singapore. Apart from being renowned as the richest
country
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in South East Asia, the
country
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is
also
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popularly known
with
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for
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its top-tier
education
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system.
As a result
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, it creates
high-qualified
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highly qualified
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Singaporean graduates who dominate the workforce,
such
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as doctors or businessmen, who become an integral part of Singaporean communities to improve the
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country
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’s
growth
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in every sector.
Furthermore
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, the second factor
that is
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also
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important is health. It is crucial because
without
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, without
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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healthy citizens, a
country
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will not successfully culminate to achieve certain targets. Consider a
wealth
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wealthy
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country
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who have
Verb problem
where
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almost 80% of its population
suffer
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suffers
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from illness. That
country
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will likely
to
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apply
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face recession because its
population
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population is
population was
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unable to work
for making
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to make
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money that contributes to the nation’s income. Observing other
factors
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can
also
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influence the
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country
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’s
growth
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, I firmly believe that they are as equal as financial
success
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. In fact, those
factors
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are related in a symbiotic way toward each other. To illustrate, it can be said that without a healthy and smart population, a
country
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will
Verb problem
is
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not likely to have a prominent human labour to work for making earns that can increase the value of
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growth
Replace the word
growing
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domestic products. That condition is
also
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vice versa because it is unlikely for a
country
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that
do
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does
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not have
a
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apply
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good economic
success
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can build infrastructures
such
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as hospitals and schools to improve the life quality of its citizens
To conclude
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, other than economic
success
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, I think the prosperity in
education
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as well as
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health
also
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influence
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influences
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the
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country
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’s
growth
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because those sectors can provide a
high-qualified
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qualified
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and healthy resources in the workforce which can help the
country
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to improve its every sector.
Furthermore
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, I
also
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think that the existence of those
factors
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are as
Verb problem
is
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equal
as
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to
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financial
success
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in determining the
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country
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’s development, as they have a symbiotic relationship that
influence
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influences
show examples
each other.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Continue to develop your arguments with clear examples and explanations to enhance coherence. Your essay shows good structure, but further elaboration can make your points even stronger.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay and make your arguments more compelling.
Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are comprehensive and reflect the main points of your essay. You've done a good job, but there's always room to refine and make your stance clearer.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding on how different factors interact with economic growth, providing specific examples to support your claims. This will showcase a deeper understanding and analysis of the topic.
Introduction
The essay effectively introduces a stance that recognizes the importance of multiple factors in a country's progress.
Structure
You demonstrated a good ability to structure your essay, with clear paragraphs dedicated to different factors.
Examples
Use of a specific example, such as Singapore, helps illustrate your point about the importance of education.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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