Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#people #children #phones #school #minutes

Nowadays, We are living in the era of technology and one of the most technological

trend

Change to a plural noun

trends

show examples

is the cell phone.

While

some people people argue that

childten

Correct your spelling

children

should be prohibited from using their

phones

during school days, others

advocated

Wrong verb form

advocate

show examples

that

phones

should be

Change preposition

apply

show examples

available for

children

. From my point of view , I totally agree that

students

should not be allowed to use their mobiles in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

school days. For those who

are agree

Change the verb form

agree

show examples

that

children

should not use their telephones during

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

school days ,

a varied reasons

Correct the article-noun agreement

varied reasons

a varied reason

show examples

supported

Wrong verb form

support

show examples

this

idea.

Firstly

phones

may cause distribution and prevent

students

from being

consentration

Correct your spelling

concentration

during the class.

That

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

mean

Replace the word

means

show examples

children

will be busy

Change preposition

apply

show examples

looking at their

phones

and they lose their focus

Change preposition

show examples

the lessons.

For example

, a study from

Correct article usage

the UK

show examples

illustrates that 89% of

students

loose

Replace the word

lose

show examples

their focus

due to

using

phones

or laptops during

learning

Correct article usage

the learning

show examples

proceee

Correct your spelling

process

Secondly

banned

Wrong verb form

banning

show examples

students

from using their mobiles may enhance

students

Change noun form

students'

student's

show examples

Add an article

the opportunity

an opportunity

show examples

opportunity

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunities

show examples

to achieve high marks and

then

achieve their goals.

In other words

childen

Correct your spelling

children

will 100% pay attention to their teacher's talk which

help

Change the verb form

helps

show examples

them to understand

Correct word choice

and acieve

show examples

acieve

Correct your spelling

achieve

high progress quickly.

For example

, If the student sits

Change preposition

on a

show examples

schoolnwithout

Correct your spelling

school without

telephone, they will do everything well. For all the above reasons,

phones

should not be given to them On the

othr

Correct your spelling

other

hand, other people supposed that

students

should be given their

phones

. they assumed that

children

may help

students

a lot in the educational learning process.

Capitalize word

show examples

illustrate

this

, a lot of different educational apps are available on

phones

so that

students

can use them to engage

children

For example

English

Correct article usage

an English

show examples

speaking app may be very helpful For EFL

students

As it

Correct word choice

show examples

can give them the opportunity to learn

speaks

Verb problem

to speak

show examples

easily cause

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they will read and listen . To

sump

Correct your spelling

sum

show examples

up mobile

phones

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

become an essential part

from

Change preposition

show examples

our life but

children

should be

obeserved

Correct your spelling

observed

and get

controled

Correct your spelling

controlled

control

from dealing with it

directhy

Correct your spelling

directly

From

Change the preposition

show examples

my opinion ,

children

should be

panned

Correct your spelling

banned

show examples

from using

phones

Submitted by monahhj123 on Fri Apr 19 2024

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Introduction clarity

Make sure your introduction provides a clear preview of the discussion and your position.

Sentence variety

Work on varying your sentence structures to improve readability and sophistication in your writing.

Paragraphing

Consider using paragraphs to clearly separate your ideas, making your argument easier to follow.

Spelling and Grammar

Keep a close eye on spelling and grammatical accuracy to enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your essay.

Use of examples

Cite specific, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.

Conclusion effectiveness

Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points of your essay and reiterates your opinion clearly.

Task Response

You have addressed both views and provided a clear opinion, which is good for task response.

Vocabulary Range

You've used a reasonable range of vocabulary to express your ideas.

Organization

There's an effort to organize ideas logically, which helps in understanding your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
42Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

333 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Minimize
Distractions
Prohibit
Cyberbullying
Inappropriate
Encourage
Social interaction
Educational apps
Safety tool
Emergencies
Responsible use
Balanced approach
Restrictions

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