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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Being a celebrity can bring benefits and problems at the same time. To what extent do you agree on this statement?

#celebrity #time
Cilvilisation
Correct your spelling
Civilisation
 always
require
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requires
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 some extraordinary demands and it becomes more effective with the qualities of
human's
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human
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 life.
Therefore
, there are some works
were
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that were
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 driven based on the
involving
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involvement
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 of
era
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the era
an era
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 and
celebrity
 is
also
 a popular
jobs
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job
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 helping
people
 improve
financial
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financially
show examples
 and find out their delusion concurrently. From my perspective, I wholly concede that
this
jobs
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job
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 can bring many advantages.
Moreover
, regarding
to
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apply
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other aspects, it
also
 causes
issue
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issues
show examples
 because of the risk
of
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to
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 security and
privacy
. With the speed of economic growth,
people
 depend on society and they pay attention to their appearance on the internet laboriously. Undoubtedly, being a
celebrity
bring
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brings
show examples
 lots of
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 in
financial
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the financial
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 economy. Reputation and
celebrity
 generally come with or attract and create opportunities to make a lot of money. In a culture in which quality of life is -all factors held constant- directly proportional to
bank
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the bank
show examples
 balance, there is something to be said for a career that brings with it
ability
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the ability
show examples
 to afford
their
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a
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 demanding life. On the flip side,
people
 have to deal with the lack of
privacy
 if they become well-known. Many fans and anti-fans always try to
taking
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take
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
photo
Fix the agreement mistake
photos
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 everywhere. At times famous
people
 can become victims of
privacy
 invasion by their fans;
such
 incidents,
however
, do not affect all of them. Some celebrities guard their
privacy
. Others don’t mind living in the limelight all the time. They enjoy the adulation they get.
To conclude
, there are several benefits to being a
celebrity
. After analysing how fame makes a person rich and a role model for many, it is not hard to see that being a
celebrity
 is an advantage, not a disadvantage.
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Task Achievement
Ensure clarity in your ideas by providing more specific examples and elaborations that directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages of being a celebrity. This will make your argument more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on refining your essay structure by organizing your paragraphs more effectively. A clear introductory sentence for each paragraph can help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
General
Review and edit for grammatical accuracy and clarity in expression. Minor errors may distract from the overall quality of your argument.
General
Try to include a more diverse range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the complexity and interest of your writing.
Content
You have presented a balanced view on the topic by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of being a celebrity.
Structure
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, reinforcing your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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