In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening ? Do you think this is an appropriate use of governments money.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
day and age, high-tech devices are being invested by the governments to cope with the public.
This
writer believes that
this
method will cause negative effects on the dwellers and it will be the foundation to stimulate the reactionary. It is important to acknowledge that it is economical to control the public by the technology including the fees for searching and applying in reality. In recent years
this
trend improved significantly , especially in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
South East Asia. Take Viet Nam as a prime example, 90% of the population is under the control of the government, the Viet Nam council decided to combine the identity card with a chip which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
helped them to extract the information of every person living in
this
country In
this
writer’s opinion, in the future,
this
innovation will cause more harm than good, the rebels can utilize the annoyed feeling in society to post negative views about the governments.
Due to
the fact that the citizen is thought that they are being stalked by the authority.
Moreover
, the
money
used for finding new technology can meet the natives’ demands. Thousands of people suffering from poverty and famine, and the policy can be changed to use
this
money
for the right purpose.
To conclude
, governments are investing
money
in creating new devices, which are used to handle the public. Meanwhile,
this
writer thinks that
this
money
can be used to improve human life conditions.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

organizational clarity
Consider organizing your ideas more clearly, ensuring each paragraph has a distinct main idea supported by relevant details. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
introduction/conclusion clarity
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are distinct, introducing your topic and summarizing your arguments respectively. Each serves a unique purpose in structuring your essay.
specific examples
Use more specific examples to support your arguments, helping clarify and strengthen your points. This can make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
expression clarity
Review your essay for clarity and precision in expressing your ideas. Aim for direct and comprehensive expressions to improve the coherence of your arguments.
position clarity
You've shown a clear position on the topic, which is great for meeting the task response criteria.
use of examples
Inclusion of examples, like the reference to Vietnam, helps support your arguments. Aim for this specificity throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: