IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

These days, many people prefer online shopping to conventional shopping. Do the advantages of online shopping outweigh the disadvantages?

#people
In today's digital age, more and more people favour shopping online
to
Change preposition
over
show examples
 traditional shopping. Some are choosing to shop online
instead
 of traditional shopping.
This
 author believes that the benefits of convenience and wide selection outweigh the drawbacks of shipping delays. The most
advantagous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 factor of online shopping is that you can buy
items
 everywhere and
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
.
In other words
, the ease and flexibility of shopping from anywhere and at
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
 are the benefits of shopping online. From prior knowledge, most teenagers in Vietnam have purchased everything on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
, which helps them save time and energy.
Thus
, buying online is a useful way of shopping for everyone. Wide selection must
also
 be considered. It must be recognized that people can access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a vast range of products and brands that may not be available locally.
As a result
, the more options you have seen, the more
sappointed
Correct your spelling
disappointed
appointed
 you feel when you purchase
items
 which you want.
Thereby
Rephrase
Therefore
show examples
, shopping online may give
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
.
However
, shopping delays are vital
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 which impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human's
Change noun form
humans'
show examples
 belief
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 shopping online. To illustrate
this
 point, there will be the possibility of long delivery times or unexpected delays in receiving purchased
items
. Take
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
 period as a primary example.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 that time, everyone seemed to buy online leading to delaying
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
items
. Taking everything into account, the advantages
are outweighed
Wrong verb form
outweigh
show examples
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
.
Hence
, shopping online
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 the best option in recent years.

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Sentence Variety
Consider varying your sentence structure to make your writing more engaging. While you have clear ideas, more complex sentences could enhance your argument.
Paragraph Structure
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within it support that idea. Adding topic sentences can help.
Using Examples
Integrate examples more effectively by directly linking them to your argument. This makes your essay more persuasive and your examples more relevant.
Accuracy
Be cautious with spelling and grammatical errors, as they can detract from the clarity of your argument. Proofreading can help you identify and correct these mistakes.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively outline your viewpoint and summarize your argument, which helps in clearly establishing your position on the topic.
Balanced Argument
You've done well to identify both advantages and disadvantages, maintaining a balanced discussion throughout your essay.
Relevant Examples
Using everyday examples, like the reference to teenagers in Vietnam, makes your argument relatable and strengthens your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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