some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
In today's society, the debate over the most effective ways to avoid illness and disease has grown.
While
I understand why some say that government efforts should be centered
on reducing environmental Change the spelling
centred
pollution
and addressing housing issues
, I feel they should not be the only focus of government activity.
On the one hand, lowering environmental pollutants and improving living conditions can result in major health
advantages. Air pollution
, which is mostly generated by vehicle emissions and industrial activity, has been related to respiratory disorders like asthma and lung cancer. Governments
can greatly lower the prevalence of such
illnesses by enforcing strict emission laws and investing in greener energy sources. Similarly
, addressing housing issues
such
as overcrowding and filthy living conditions can help reduce the spread of infectious diseases like tuberculosis and hepatitis. Initiatives such
as New Zealand's Healthy Homes program have successfully reduced cases of such
illnesses by addressing dampness and mold
in dwellings.
I contend, Change the spelling
mould
however
, that concentrating only on housing issues
and environmental pollution
may miss other important factors that affect public health
. Bad lifestyle choices, such
eating
poorly and not exercising, Change preposition
as eating
also
play a big part in the development of chronic illnesses like diabetes and heart problems. To encourage healthy habits and provide people the power to make decisions about their health
, governments
should put in place education and intervention programs. In addition
, promoting equal health
outcomes requires addressing the inaccessibility of healthcare
services. People from marginalized groups may still encounter difficulties getting access to healthcare
because of financial and geographic limitations, even if environmental pollution
is decreased and housing circumstances improve. Governments
can address underlying health
inequities and improve general public health
by prioritizing healthcare
infrastructure construction and implementing policies that reduce financial obstacles to healthcare
access.
In conclusion, I argue that governments
should take into account other determinants of public health
, such
as unhealthy lifestyle behaviors
and Change the spelling
behaviours
healthcare
accessibility, in order to adopt a more comprehensive approach to disease prevention, even though addressing environmental pollution
and housing issues
is imperative.Submitted by zky1705202 on
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task achievement
Consider reinforcing your points with more varied examples and statistics to enhance argument strength.
task achievement
Balance the discussion of solutions beyond housing and pollution to cover more ground in your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Refine sentence structures for smoother transitions between ideas, enhancing readability.
coherence and cohesion
Develop your introduction and conclusion further to encapsulate your viewpoint more distinctly.
task achievement
Articulated a clear stance on the topic, enriching the essay's task response.
coherence and cohesion
Demonstrated a good range of vocabulary and sentence structures, contributing to coherence.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite